This is a big year for me—I turned 70! I am excited and ready to run the race (maybe not as fast) for this new, fresh decade. Over the decades, God has abundantly blessed me with deep friendships that started as mentoring relationships.
Words like mentoring and discipleship show up often in our communities of faith. I have set in many collaborative meetings over the years, filling up whiteboards on the meaning of both. Let me define what I think both words mean:
Mentor: an experienced and trusted adviser
Discipleship: the lifelong process of learning from a spiritual mentor to adopt their teachings, worldview, and lifestyle
Do you see the connection? Paul said it best in 1 Corinthians 11:1:
Imitate me as, I also imitate Christ.
Follow me as I follow Christ. In every encounter with people, this is what we are doing. To the unbelievers, I am showing them Jesus. To the believers (my brothers and sisters), I am encouraging them in their faith, giving biblical counsel, and sharing how God has worked in my own life. Scripture calls it building up the body (Eph. 4:12).
When you approach your life and others with this as your foundation, you will have some of the most beautiful encounters. And you will form deep friendships out of those encounters. This has been my story.
My eyes were opened to the power of mentoring at a crisis point in my life. I was 38 when my mom died of breast cancer. She was my greatest mentor, and her love and prayers gave me such courage. I felt lost and alone. I was Editor-in-Chief of Journey Magazine at the time of her death and wrote in my editorial about the loss of Mom—and then something beautiful happened. Women from across the nation wrote and reminded me I had many women who loved me and prayed for me. My eyes were opened to the beauty and power of mentoring—praying, encouraging, and loving others.
When you mentor or disciple others, you have the opportunity to love deeply. Often deep and long-lasting friendships will be developed.
In order to create a mentorship that builds lasting bonds, several practical things must be part of your life.
- Being available: letting others interrupt you.
- Listening: being others-focused.
- Seeing: having eyes to see others and truly love them as Christ first loved you.
- Serving: sacrificing your time, your agenda, and your resources to give to someone else, expecting nothing in return.
I asked several women I have mentored over the years to share their insights on our mentoring/friendship relationships. The following are the perspectives of five of those women, ranging in age (twenties to sixties) and number of years we have known each other (two to thirty years):
Mary Katherine (30-year relationship):
When I think about Selma, I don’t first think of a mentor. I think about someone who has faithfully walked beside me through some of the most significant seasons of my life and leadership. She was my boss at Lifeway and later served on the board of Justice & Mercy International, but somewhere along the way those roles gave way to something far more meaningful: a trusted friendship. What has always set Selma apart is that she never tried to shape me into a leader who looked like her. Instead, she asked thoughtful questions, listened well, shared wisdom born from experience, and then trusted me to make my own decisions. She saw potential in me before I fully saw it in myself and gave me the confidence to grow into the leader God was calling me to be. One of the greatest gifts of a friendship that spans generations is perspective. Selma has taught me to look beyond the urgency of the moment and remember that character matters more than accomplishments and people more than projects—and faithfulness is a better measure of success than recognition.
Faith (25-year relationship):
I had the privilege of working with Selma for over two decades. She was a mentor to so many men and women. She was definitely my mentor, but she also cared about the “whole me,” not just my work performance. She cared about my spiritual life, my church, my family, and especially my marriage. There were countless times I went to her for many things other than work. The Lord brought her in my life for the ministry we did together, and what also bloomed was this amazing friendship and devotion that I don’t know if I’ll ever experience again. It’s beautiful when you can walk alongside someone with a little more life under their belt and witness what they model. It’s hard to put into words, but it’s one of the most beautiful relationships I’ve ever experienced. When I look back on my thirty-year career, Selma was definitely the most influential woman in my life.
Morgan Raybon (10-year relationship):
As a bright-eyed young woman at the bottom of the corporate ladder and the starting line of adulthood, I looked to Selma as a road map for my life—abundant in Christian virtue, happy and healthy in marriage, fruitful in parenthood, faithful and cheerful in church membership, fulfilled and successful in work. Enjoying friendship with a woman decades ahead of me means that I’ve had access to a broader perspective that normally I am too blind and—frankly, too busy—to see. Selma’s friendship has helped lift my eyes out of my current chaos of raising little ones, building a ministry, and trying to save every dollar for life’s big purchases to see a future that—in Christ and with the Spirit’s help—includes the overwhelming satisfaction, peace, and contentment of a life well lived.
Jennifer Breining (two-year relationship):
Selma has been my executive coach for almost two years. This is the first time I have been in an executive role. I am the only female executive in my organization, plus I am developing a People Strategies Department from scratch. I needed an executive coach’s perspective on strategies, organizational development and alignment, problem-solving, conflict resolution, and team development. But I also needed a spiritual leader who could remind me of biblical truth along the way as she encouraged me and prayed over me. Selma was the perfect fit. What began as a coaching relationship became a beautiful mentoring relationship and friendship. This occurred naturally due to the trust built instantly as I was able to be vulnerable with her. Selma has a good mix of active listening, consulting, and giving feedback.
Kate Fakos (two-year relationship):
My cross-generational mentorship with Selma has been a pivotal part of my maturing in Christ. It has been a gift to sit under the wisdom of a godly woman who has pursued Christ through many seasons of life. Witnessing Selma speak about the peace and certainty she has in Christ has given me the confidence to step out in faith and trust in our Lord in my own circumstances. I believe cross-generational mentorship is invaluable for my generation because it allows the opportunity for younger believers to learn from the experiences and faith of those who have persevered in their walk with Christ. Life will give you opportunities to mentor others. Be ready and you will be blessed with deep friendships that will last a lifetime.
Want to keep diving into how to create a mentorship that builds lasting bonds? Check out these questions to ask your mentor or mentee.
About Selma Wilson
Selma Wilson was an employee of Lifeway Christian Resources for twenty-eight years until her retirement, October 2018. While at Lifeway, Selma served on the executive leadership team for eight years, being the first woman in Lifeway’s history to serve as a senior executive vice-president. Since her retirement, she has been serving the Christian community as an executive consultant, mentoring women, and a Bible study teacher at her church. She has been married to Rodney fifty years and has served with him in various ministry roles, including marriage and family ministry. Currently, they are enjoying retirement together. Selma has two adult daughters, two son-in-laws, and is grandmother to Josiah, Abby, Caleb, Emmy, and Judah. Being a grandmother has become her favorite role of all!
