We’re thrilled today to introduce you to Steve and Debbie Wilson. Steve and Debbie are the founders of Marriage Matters Now and are featured at Lifeway‘s Festival of Marriage events. You’ll also see either of them around here from time-to-time sharing practical tips for your marriage.
Every marriage hits walls.
So what does that mean to you? Deb and I have been married 34 years. In our 12th year of marriage, she walked in and said, “If this is what marriage is all about, I don’t think I want it any more.”
Wow.. That was like a two-by-four to my forehead.
But divorce was not an option in our case (I was on staff at a local church), so we went on a search to find out where we lost each other.
Here are three things we discovered:
- We had to simplify our lives and slow down our schedules, even with kids. We lost each other in the process of raising kids and doing ministry together. We were doing ministry really well, but our marriage was falling apart. Something had to change. The key was Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”
- Debbie needed us to communicate every day beyond just small talk. Each day, we would intentionally sit down and talk about our heart, fears, and dreams. It was awkward at first, but the more we did it, the more we realized it bonded us together and filled a large void that was missing in our relationship.
- We realized that our marriage was not a priority. We constantly gave each other our leftovers and that was never going to sustain our relationship. We became intentional in putting our relationship directly under God. I had to begin to live Ephesians 5:25 out, where it says a husband should love his wife the way Christ loved the church.
The worst day of my life was the day when Debbie came in and said she was done. However, that night was the beginning of the best thing that ever happened to me and our marriage. In James 1:2-4, James says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” I didn’t find joy in my worst day, but time has allowed Debbie and I to become more mature and complete in our marriage and it allowed the emotional connection to happen.
What is missing in your marriage? Most likely it is that emotional bond that every marriage longs for. Will you put in the extra work and effort to have an extraordinary marriage?