Somewhere along the way, we were given a map that leads to one destination: a flourishing life. The stops on the map usually included: graduate from high school, finish college, get married, and have children. Tucked somewhere after college and before marriage is a small sign that reads: “Singleness—the waiting room you pass through on your way to where life really begins.”
For a long time, this map was accurate. But in the last few decades, more women have spent a longer time in this supposedly in-between season. Sadly, they often feel unseen by the church and struggle to navigate their season with the map they’ve been given. As their time in the waiting room extends far longer than expected, it can be easy to believe that the destination of flourishing is one they will never reach, which in turn makes singles believe they have to settle for a sad and lonely life.
But what if the problem isn’t the time single women spend in this waiting room, but the fact that they are in there in the first place? Maybe the waiting room framework isn’t just outdated, but the very thing that’s preventing them from flourishing.
The Problem with Waiting
Waiting is an inherently passive activity. Whether it is in a doctor’s office, a car repair shop, or the airport, being in the waiting room means our ability to move forward in our journey depends on someone else taking action. Even though we can pass the time with a magazine or something on our phone, we don’t put much effort into these pastimes, since the expectation is that we won’t be there for long. Our attention is singularly focused on the door we are anxiously waiting to open.
Similarly, when singleness is viewed as a waiting season, it trains singles to approach life passively. Instead of maximizing the present, they become preoccupied with the future. With the help of relationship shows, romantic movies, and romance novels, women dream about wedding dresses, marriage proposals, and the lives they will build with their future spouses.
But while they are rehearsing plans for a life they don’t yet have, they leave the one they’re already in unattended. The process of building a flourishing life gets put on hold because the assumption is that real life begins when the waiting season ends.
While this perspective can hold up for a while, when singleness persists for longer than expected, the fruit of a neglected present life starts to show. Hope slowly turns into cynicism, disappointment turns into sadness, and loneliness deepens. But the quiet ache many singles feel isn’t necessarily a symptom of not having the spouse they desire. Rather, it’s a symptom of being absent from the life they currently inhabit.
Taking the Road Less Traveled
Instead of sitting in the waiting room, there is another way to walk through singleness. It is a less worn path that doesn’t show up on the map of life we are given. This second path promises to provide flourishing in the midst of singleness, instead of on the other side of the marriage door. However, traversing this path isn’t always easy because instead of waiting for someone else to take action, it requires you to be the active agent in your own flourishing.
For women, viewing themselves in this way can be misconstrued. Some might see it as a selfish act of independence or an embrace of unhindered autonomy. However, living as an active agent in your own flourishing is a holy act of stewardship. It leads one to maximize what God has given them rather than sit on the sidelines waiting for something else.
Here are a few ways to maximize living as a single woman:
Community
Regardless of our life season, humans are not designed to live in isolation. We need a community of people around us to help us thrive. (Gen. 2:18). This means singles have to be intentional about cultivating friendships and maintaining life rhythms that help them stay connected. In our digital age, friendships have to move beyond the text thread and the occasional brunch to regular points of connection that help singles know others and be deeply known themselves. As believers, we often find this type of community in our local church. By rooting themselves in these spiritual communities, singles can slowly form deep bonds with others. They also have opportunities to practice hospitality, bringing people together to share meals, laughter, warmth, and joy.
Vocation
For the Christian, our work is not a burden, but the gracious opportunity to cultivate shalom and point those around us to Christ. Furthermore, who we are has been intentionally crafted by God to uniquely help us fulfill this cultural mandate (Gen. 1:26-28). Singleness provides ample space to ask honest questions about the work we are doing and whether it helps us maximize our gifts or keeps them hidden. This season also provides the freedom and flexibility to take a career risk by pursuing a new role or investing in the skills and education that help make work more meaningful and impactful.
Creative Celebration
In the same way that God rested on the seventh day of creation to celebrate and enjoy all that He created, we too are to enjoy the goodness of the world we inhabit. Practicing celebration might look like going to a friend’s holiday BBQ, an art festival, a concert, or traveling to visit one of the many national parks in our country. Or, it could be puzzling, crocheting, or refurbishing old furniture. Both in creating and celebrating, singles receive regular infusions of beauty and joy.
Finances
Conversations about investments, homeownership, or retirement are often deferred until marriage. But when we take our financial well-being seriously, we can save, invest, and make financial choices that help us flourish in the life we have. It also helps us be generous and hospitable because, when we steward the resources we’ve been given well, we are able to freely share them with others.
Ultimately, for singles, living well means living in deep communion with God. The joy, love, hope, peace, and holistic flourishing they desire are not contingent on marriage. It is contingent on how they live out the life they have already been given with God. Because as we walk through life, we come to realize that what we truly desire, the answer for our deep ache, is only found through Jesus—and it is from this place of contentment that a full life is built.
Now, this does not close the door to marriage, but it does change how one views that door. Living fully helps us approach marriage with healthier expectations, no longer seeing it as the singular pathway to a better life, but as an opportunity to pursue flourishing in a different way.
So, to all my single sisters—stop waiting and start living! Root yourself in community, pursue your calling, have fun, and tend to your life with intentionality and care. Along the way, you might find your spouse. But if you don’t, you will not have missed out on life. You will have lived it to the fullest!
Want to dive deeper into living as a single woman? Find out what the Bible says about singleness.
About Elizabeth Woodson
Elizabeth Woodson is a Bible teacher and author who is passionate about equipping believers to understand the rich theological truths of Scripture. She loves helping people internalize their faith and connect it practically to everyday life. Elizabeth is also a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary with a Master’s in Christian Education and regularly serves as a teacher for Lifeway Women Academy.
