10 Simple Ways to Be a Better Friend This Summer

Let’s face it, friendship can be difficult. I remember the days when just playing on the playground with another kid meant we were instantly best friends. It was effortless and fun! The older I’ve gotten though, it feels like being a friend and having friends requires a lot more energy. Even something as simple as finding a free hour to spend with a friend feels impossible, let alone finding time to cultivate relationships with multiple friends.

When we feel overwhelmed by the weight of friendship, it is tempting to long for the simplicity of childhood friendships. While it is possible to carry over this more surface level view of friendships into adulthood, we will miss out greatly by doing so.

As Christ followers, we are commanded in Romans 12:2 to be set apart from the world. This is a command that calls us to follow God’s perfect design in all things, including friendship. Our friendships as believers are never primarily about what they give us or how they make us feel. But they are truly a way for us to selflessly love, serve, and care for others in a way that reflects Jesus to the world. When cultivated biblically, friendship allows us the gift of being fully known and fully loved by other women. But how can we experience this type of friendship? How can we actually be a better friend?

1. Look to the Better Friend.

The only way we have any hope at being a better friend is to start by looking to Jesus. He is the Better Friend, the perfect example of what it looks like to selflessly love and serve others. Hebrews 12:2 calls us to keep our eyes on Jesus, the one who endured the cross on our behalf. Jesus loved us so deeply and was the ultimate picture of sacrificial love for others by dying in our place! So as we aim to be a better friend, He must be the starting point.

There are many places in Scripture where Jesus is shown as a caring friend to His disciples and every person He encountered. One of my favorites is John 17:6-19. As He was about to go to the cross, Jesus took time to pray for the twelve people closest to Him. He is more concerned for His friends than the final moments of His own life. I challenge you to meditate on this passage and see what the Lord reveals to you about true friendship modeled after Christ! It will challenge the cultural norm of self-exalting friendship and call you to a holy view of friendship.

2. Pray Intentionally.

Once you’ve set your gaze upon the better Friend, begin to prioritize praying for your friends! Just as Jesus carved out time to pray for His friends in John 17, we too should make this a key component of our friendships. Nothing is more powerful than fervently praying for your friends’ lives, prayer requests, challenges, and joys. Pray for them and pray with them. It will truly transform your relationships!

A practical way to stay consistent in praying for each of your friends is to create a monthly prayer calendar! All you need is an empty calendar, and then fill it in with a different friend’s name for each day of the month. Commit to praying specifically for the friend listed each day. Be intentional to pray first, but also check in on the friend and let her know you are praying for her!

3. Ask Good Questions.

Commit to asking good questions and remaining curious about your friends’ lives. It’s easy to get so caught up in our own lives that we neglect to care well for our friends by checking in on them. But asking good questions, ones that are others-focused and aimed at truly knowing a person, will transform your friendships.

I love to ask my friends how they are doing mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It’s always a great starting point when you’re catching up with a friend. Plus, it will help you know what follow-up questions to ask. But whatever questions you ask, aim to be intentional and stay curious about your friends and their lives. It will truly transform the depth of your relationships with others!

4. Listen Well.

When asking questions, we must be careful not to do so only to give off the appearance of caring. Instead, the goal should be to ask questions and then listen in a way that allows us to better understand our friends and their hearts. We should consistently pray for a selfless heart that is so focused on others that we are able to listen fully.

5. Look for Ways to Serve.

As you stay invested in your friends’ lives by checking in on them and asking good questions, be on the lookout for ways to serve them. When you know things like how a friend is doing spiritually or emotionally and what situations they may be going through, it provides opportunities for you to meet their needs before they even ask! 1 John 3:16 says, “This is how we have come to know love: He laid down his life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” Christ followers are called to sacrifice our own desires, schedules, and even our very lives for our friends.

This type of friendship, modeled after Jesus, is full of sacrifice and service. Whether or not it’s glamorous, be willing to show up for your friends and serve them in whatever they need.

6. Encourage Holiness.

In 2 Corinthians 11:2-3, we see that Paul is full of godly jealousy for the Corinthian church. He has established a partnership and friendship with them, so he wants to see them continue to pursue Christ. We too should be full of a deep longing for our friends to remain faithful and grow in Christlikeness.

One of the best ways to be a better friend is to encourage your friends to live as Jesus did. There are many ways to do this, but one easy way is to begin to integrate accountability for spiritual disciplines and sin into some of your closest friendships. While this may be different from the structured accountability you’d have with your accountability partner, friendships allow us to have accountability in our walk with the Lord as we go through life with those we are closest to!

You can also encourage your friends to grow in holiness by carving out time to study the Word and pray together. Whatever you do, commit to pursue Christ by locking arms with your friends this summer. If our friendships don’t make us know and love Christ more, then we are likely being conformed to the world and failing to live out Romans 12:2 in our friendships.

7. Extend an Invitation.

One of the biggest breakdowns in friendships today is that everyone wants to be invited, but few are willing to invite. It’s understandable—extending an invitation feels vulnerable, and the fear of rejection is real! But if we let fear hold us back from asking friends (or even potential new friends) to get coffee or come over for dinner, we miss out on the opportunity to engage in the God-given blessing of relationships. So, I encourage you to set a realistic goal this summer for inviting and engaging in relationships with new and old friends.

8. Be Vulnerable.

As we aim to live out Romans 12:2 in our friendships, being a better friend requires us to humble ourselves and to be vulnerable with our friends. In Christ, there is freedom to be honest with our friends! Romans 3:23 says we’ve all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory, so trying to look perfect in order to keep friends or continue to build up our name is useless. We can (and should) let our guard down and share the trials, fears, and temptations we are facing or have faced. This sort of vulnerability is what produces the deepest, Christ-like friendships. These are the friendships in which we are fully known and yet still fully loved.

9. Celebrate and Encourage.

My best friend threw me a surprise party for my birthday last year, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so loved! There’s just something special about friends who show up to celebrate you and the exciting things in your life. It doesn’t have to be something big like a surprise party. Just be intentional to celebrate and encourage your friends in a way that will make them feel cared for. Whether you write a note, deliver flowers and coffee, or throw the most elaborate party you can imagine, it will give them (and you!) so much joy to celebrate your friends well!

10. Have Fun Together!

Christ-centered friendships are meant to push us to the Lord and challenge us to look more like Him. But there is also such a need to have fun together! We see the importance of having fun together in the story of Jesus’s first miracle in John 2:1-11. Jesus and His disciples were at a wedding together, which was one of the biggest celebrations in Jewish culture. They were there to celebrate and have fun, and ended up witnessing a miracle that revealed Jesus’s glory! Prioritize time to do fun things with your friends, but also stay alert for ways the Lord may want to use you and your friends as you have fun together!

Even though friendship does require more work than it did when we were kids, it is also so much more rewarding! How can you practically begin to live out these ten ways to be a better friend this summer?

Want to dive deeper into what the Bible says about friendship? Check out the Friends and Sisters Bible study by Lifeway Women. Read an excerpt!

About Madisyn Braden