How Churches Can Minister to Women Facing Infertility

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, a timely reminder of the church’s call to minister with compassion to women facing infertility.

Three things are never satisfied; four never say, “Enough!”: Sheol; a childless womb; earth, which is never satisfied with water; and fire, which never says, “Enough!” — Proverbs 30:15b-16

That the insatiable longing of a barren womb is compared with the grace, an all-consuming fire, and a dry and thirsty land speaks to the vastness of the longing of infertility.

As women, our bodies were never meant to experience barrenness. When they do, not only do our bodies experience this gnawing ache but something in our spirits and souls does as well. We’re faced with the reality that the world has been broken by the fall, and our bodies have too.

Infertility is painful. To be cruelly reminded every month of all the ways your body falls short in doing what it was created by God to do—to carry life—can feel too much to bear at times. My husband and I know this all too well, having walked through seven years of unexplained infertility ourselves.

We’re not alone. According to the World Health Organization, one in six couples globally have been affected by infertility. More likely than not, someone you are close with is walking or has walked the lonely road of infertility, if not you yourself. With infertility being such a prevelant struggle, what can the church do? How can the church come alongside to support and serve couples as they walk this long road? Here are four ways churches can minister to women facing infertility.

1. Host a support group for those walking through infertility.

Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. — Galatians 6:2

Infertility is lonely. When you look around and it seems like everyone else is having children, you can’t help but feel all alone, like you’re the only one struggling. You don’t want to burden others with your pain, nor do you really want to even explain it. But the statistics say you’re not alone.

I was too in denial of how painful infertility was to join such a group. It wasn’t until I attended a weekend conference on infertility, miscarriage, infant loss, fostering, and adoption that the floodgates of my pain were finally opened. At the conference, I didn’t have to hide or explain my pain. I didn’t have to defend all the tricky questions and decisions to well-intentioned friends who couldn’t relate. Everyone at the conference knew firsthand what my husband and I were going through. This meant I could sit in the pain and process my feelings. It was a cathartic and sacred space to share with friends and strangers who understood because they were walking the same path.

2. Acknowledge the pain Mother’s Day or Father’s Day can bring to those who are struggling with infertility.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. — Romans 12:15

As your church aims to minister to women facing infertility, acknowledging pain on these holidays can go a long way. It can be meaningful not just for those who are walking through infertility, but for anyone who has miscarried, lost children or parents too soon, has strained relationships with their children or parents, and so on.

In no way did I ever want to diminish the joy and celebration of another person’s calling as parents because I was struggling. At the same time, these holidays were an incredibly painful reminder of what I longed so desperately to be but had no power to control. To have my pain be acknowledged on such a tender day helped me feel seen and valued in spite of the whole spectrum of emotions that such a day could bring. Some of my most cherished Mother’s Day wishes came in the midst of infertility, through pastoral acknowledgments and personal texts.

The more a church can weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice, the stronger its fellowship and connection.

3. Be careful with your words and model how to talk about infertility with wisdom and care.

My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. — James 1:19

The reality is that we have no idea what anyone could be walking through at any given moment. It could be they’ve been trying to have children to no avail for a while or that they simply don’t feel called to have children. Either way, and I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way, it’s none of your business. Not all are called to be parents, and not all are able to be parents. If your church wants to minister to women facing infertility, may you strive to use your words wisely to build one another up and not inadvertently do more harm than good.

Unless you have walked the road of infertility yourself, don’t volunteer advice. I know it comes from a well-intentioned heart that hates to see a loved one in pain. It is difficult to see someone in pain and let them remain there. The intent is so good. The impact is unhelpful. Some things just don’t have an easy fix. An overly-simplistic solution to a problem that someone has been walking through for years that even medical professionals are unable to resolve can frankly be insulting.

4. Never forget the power of prayer.

Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. — Philippians 4:6

There are many more ways churches can come alongside, support, and minister to those who are walking through infertility. But the most important and most impactful way is to pray. When you feel powerless to help, there is nothing more powerful than to lift this loved one up to the Creator God of the heavens and the earth and everything in it.

This is the God who:

• So loved this person that He gave His own Son to die and be raised to life so He could adopt them as His own beloved child.
• Opened Sarah’s barren womb when she was past childbearing age.
• Sees the deepest longing and the greatest ache of their hearts.
• Is the strength of their heart and their portion forever (Ps. 73).
• Is writing their story to be for His glory and their good, whatever the outcome may be.

If your church does nothing else to support those who are walking the long, lonely, and painful road of infertility—pray continually with and for them.

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About Alice Matagora