Holding a Place for Single Moms and Wives Attending Church Alone

My Story: A Married Woman Attending Church Alone

Sunday morning arrived, a bittersweet day of the week, as I loved attending church but dreaded the journey there. I drove around the parking lot, looking for a space close to the entrance. I juggled the car seat carrying my plump, red-faced infant and clasped the hand of my restless, wandering toddler. Crossing the busy road proved difficult at times, but I accepted the burden willingly. Church offered me refuge and a place to take a personal retreat from the kids. My soul found nourishment there, but my heart recognized something missing—my husband.

He tolerated the kids and me attending, but he had no interest in joining us. “I have to mow the lawn today,” or “I worked all day yesterday, so I want to sleep in,” served as some of the excuses. I realized I could not stand in for the Holy Spirit and convict him to attend church, so we carried on without him. 

After worship services, I longed to find fellowship in the small group classrooms. Checking out classes, I realized quickly a big difference: they all came as couples, while I showed up as a married single. A married single refers to someone legally married, but who lives as if single because of circumstances or relationship dynamics. The spouse appears absent—either physically, emotionally, or both. In my case, it was both. He worked out of town most weeks and my desire for Christianity did not interest him, so he decided to live a separate life away from us on Sundays, and then altogether. When I became a single mom, the burden to find community seemed even lonelier. With most churches focusing on the traditional nuclear family, unconventional singles, such as married singles and single moms, have a difficult time finding significance.

What the Research Says

The Center for American Progress reported that in 2023, “Single-mother families made up 1 in 5 families with their own children under age 18.” These women deal with loneliness daily as well as the burnout of carrying the load of the household. They oftentimes feel unappreciated and abandoned, sometimes resulting in resentment towards the couples who attend church together. The desertion they feel can lead to questioning God’s design for their life. I often thought, Have I truly honored God when I lack a godly husband to lead the kids and me? 

Women attending church alone may not represent a large population of the church, but they exist nevertheless and desire acknowledgement by the body of Christ. I explored two other churches in search of a place of belonging. While most of the staff and host team at these other churches were friendly and cordial, the lack of a designated ministry for my situation remained frustrating. A Lifeway Research study done in 2023 revealed that 76 percent of church switchers felt building relationships with members was extremely important/important in their decision to attend the church.

How the Church Can Help

Pray for Guidance

Women attending church alone need fellowship, discipleship, and support, so how can a ministry provide these? What topics deserve attention (as some will have kids, some belong to the military, and so forth)? Do we have the resources to provide counseling? Can we develop workshops on parenting or stress management?  

Create Situational Groups

While seeking a group that fit my population, I found only Young Singles (fresh out of college to mid-20s) and Older Widows (I have spent many Sundays with octogenarians). People in my age and life-stage (30s/40s with kids) mainly attended as couples, taking Love Language quizzes with their spouses. I desired a place with like-minded women where I could share my vulnerabilities about the issues in my marriage, subsequent divorce, and raising kids alone. Situational small groups bond those in the same season of life.  

Identify Leaders

The best leader should be a woman who understands the struggle. Whether she has lived through it or has deep empathy for these women, she should identify with this group and provide applicable content. Within the group, women could mentor others in similar situations. We love to tell stories, give advice, and provide encouragement. Mentoring younger women who share the same struggles deepens the mentor’s wisdom while giving courage to the one being mentored.  

Take It Outside the Church

Married singles and single moms struggle with exhaustion. They need a break from the family, financial, and spiritual responsibilities they carry daily. Church get-togethers can be the relief they need. The 2023 Lifeway State of Ministry to Women revealed that 65 percent of women polled believe women’s ministries provide opportunities to be refreshed and restored spiritually and emotionally. Host game nights at a coffee house. Organize a women’s retreat at a park. Coordinate a relevant Bible study at rotating houses. Hangouts help to foster growing relationships with these women. But make sure to provide childcare for the ones with young children. There’s nothing worse than missing out on a chance for companionship because you have no one to watch the kids.

Bring Awareness to People Attending Church Alone

The church should offer lonely people a place to experience love and acceptance. Ensure that the congregation recognizes these women to bring awareness and dispel misunderstandings. Encourage the church to open their arms in acceptance and not overlook them. A Barna research study done in partnership with MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) in 2023 revealed that when a church has a pastor who understands the unique needs of mothers, these women feel less isolation, criticism and are more likely to stay continually involved in the church. As Paul writes in Galatians 6:2, “Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

A ministry for unconventional singles not only offers community but provides encouragement, support, and spiritual growth for those carrying heavy responsibilities alone. When the body of Christ makes room for the overlooked, hearts begin to heal. And in that space, anyone who feels unseen can discover she belongs, not because of her relationship status, but because she is deeply loved by God.

P.S. Here’s some more encouragement for following God when your husband doesn’t.

About Melissa Givens