Leading Well | Hope for the Weary Leader

When a car runs out of gas, it simply stops. That’s what happened to me and my college friends as we drove my Ford Escort home during a holiday break many years ago. We were so happy to have busted out of the college grind, only to come to a grinding halt!  For a minute, we didn’t know why the car had stopped. Bless our hearts. There we were on the side of the road with no cell phones but thankfully not far from an exit with a gas station.   

Women aren’t like cars. When we run out of gas, we keep going for a number of reasons. God created women to have an enormous capacity to “do.” It is tempting to just keep going when we are exhausted and don’t want to let anyone down. But continued driving forward on empty eventually takes its toll on us mentally and physically. How full or empty is your tank right now? How can you tell if you are about to run out of gas from all the responsibilities and life circumstances on your plate? What do you do when you are just “done” but don’t get to be done because of all the responsibilities and commitments in your life?

Another term for running on empty is burnout. Merriam-Webster defines burnout as “exhaustion of physical or emotional strength or motivation usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration.”  

Let’s assume you have been at some point or are headed to a state of exhaustion or burnout. I am a licensed professional counselor in the state of Tennessee, and when I start a therapeutic relationship with a new client, I do a question-and-answer intake session with her to help me get to know her and help assess her situation. So, here is a list of assessment questions for you to help you determine if you are experiencing burnout or if you are on your way there. Maybe grab a journal or a piece of paper to list your answers:  

• What are the top five responsibilities or stressors you have in your life right now (i.e., kids, aging parents, volunteer work, two jobs, etc.)?   
• Rank the things on that list from the most “heavy” or stressful to the least. Now imagine these things you are carrying around with you as large stones in a basket. How heavy is the weight? Are you about to buckle? If you add one more thing, will you buckle?  
• Do you like to be weak? Dependent, inadequate, or insufficient? Like it or not, we are all weak and vulnerable.  
• Do you like to ask for help? Answer on a scale of one to ten. 
• How many times a week are you doing something JUST FOR YOU that is for no one else? Even something small?  
• This is a BIG one: Now, in just a few words, and don’t overthink it, describe who you are when you are not doing but just “being” without your computer, your phone, or your people.  
• What’s happening in your body when you are stressed?  
  • How is your anxiety, sleep, worry, breathing, eating habits, and thought life? Can you turn your brain off?  
  • Write three or four words you would use to describe your stress in your body.  
  • Are you irritable? How does your fruit taste? Bitter or sweet?
  • What’s your main tool for numbing or escaping?  
  • Do you let yourself feel your feelings? Are you too busy to sit and just feel the feelings and emotions that are trying to rise to the surface? It’s important to feel them and let them pass through.  
  • How much margin do you have in your day-to-day life for rest and play?  

I could go on with many more assessment questions, but hopefully the ones above have helped you to evaluate your current level of stress and your response to it. There isn’t a formula here. We all have different capacities, and we all deal with stress differently.   

If you have assessed that you are heading for or are in full-blown burnout mode, here are some tips to help you reset and take care of yourself.  I would suggest adding the following rhythms into your life:  

BOUNDARIES:  

Boundaries are a part of everyday life. Guardrails on the highway, fences around our yards, and stoplights are all boundaries for safety or keeping out what is not safe. So, what is a personal boundary? It can be a “guardrail” you put in place to protect yourself from overcommitting beyond your current capacity, especially if you have a hard time saying no to every person who comes to you for help.  

If you know the concept of boundaries but aren’t applying boundaries in your own life, ask yourself what your motivation is for not imposing boundaries. Do you feel guilty if you do it?  

In your journal, list a couple of “barriers to boundaries” that you experience. Then, write a few boundaries you would like to enforce in your life to help you avoid burnout. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you with this list.  

DELEGATE:  

Let others run in their lane and do what God has called them to in their area of gifting.  

What can give? From the list you made above in your assessment, is there anything that you can let go of, or pass to someone else, or say no to? If any one small thing can “give,” let it go.  

Our God is a daily God. His provision comes in daily allotments. In the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6:11, Jesus instructed to pray for the Father to “Give us today our daily bread.” In Exodus 16, God provided daily manna and meat for the hungry and grumbling Israelites. They weren’t even praying, asking the Lord for this provision; they were grumbling and wishing to be back in Egypt. But God heard their grumbling and brought them daily bread and meat, only enough for that day. God will provide for you in the current day and the next day and the day after that. So stop and open your hands and ask Him each morning for provision of what you need for that day only, or the next hour.

As a final thought on this, Jesus also instructed to only deal with or “worry about” the current day. Matthew 6:34 says, “Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” 

Keeping your heart and mind focused on the day at hand will also save you from wasted time worrying about what you don’t know will come or happen. With that in mind, here is a good “daily” list to get through your day’s stressors:  

• Cast your cares on Jesus (1 Pet. 5:7).
• Feed your soul on the Word and connect with God through prayer.   
• Bear one another’s burdens. Ask for help (Gal. 6:2). Let someone else help you with your burdens.  
• Say the Lord’s prayer, asking for your daily provision.   
• Be kind to yourself; you don’t need to do all of your daily things and bash yourself on top of that. Love others as you love yourself (so be sure to love yourself too) (Mark 12:31).  
• Limit negative influence: bad news, negative people, what wears you out.
• Do something that feeds your soul. What is something that fans the flame of your gifting and makes you feel alive? What energizes you?  
• Engage in healthy rhythms: Do breathing exercises, journal, get sunlight, and walk.  
• Let Jesus tend to you. I love Psalm 23 and how it makes me feel “tended” by Jesus, the Shepherd who tends our weary souls. He sees when our souls need restoring, when we don’t see or feel it yet. I don’t just mean when hard things happen. Let Him tend to you daily, even for just five minutes.  
• Practice weekly rest! God is a God of the Sabbath and commands rest! It is not weak to stop and fill your tank.  

We don’t fill our gas tank once and then drive across the country. We have to stop regularly to fill our tanks! Hopefully, these questions and suggestions will help you assess and address burnout in your life. If you do feel like you are in a severe state of burnout and it’s affecting your health, it could be time for a medical checkup and a possible check-in with a Christian therapist to help advise you on ways to recover and heal.   

About Paige Keeton