The weeks following my brother Barrett’s death by suicide felt like a roller coaster. There were amazingly great days and terribly hard ones. Candidly speaking, there were great hours in the morning that could easily be followed by miserable hours in the afternoon. Sometimes I would cling to Jesus and do my best to focus on the truth of His Word. Still, other times, I felt like I was wading through muddy waters, unable to distinguish truth from blatant lies.
More than once I found myself wrestling with a belief my classmate expressed that suicide is an automatic ticket to hell. I knew in my heart this wasn’t the case, but I struggled to figure out why he so firmly believed this to be true and if there was any legitimacy to it. After going back and forth in my mind, I finally decided to talk with my pastor.
When things are weighing on our minds, we have two options. We can ponder these thoughts on our own, often making us feel like a hamster running on a wheel and getting nowhere, or we can find someone to confide in for advice and understanding. The enemy would have us hide and struggle alone, but Jesus would say otherwise.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2, NIV).
We need people we can confide in.
I waited until the service was over one Sunday morning and approached my pastor. The church was huge, and I knew he had no idea who I was, but I still asked if he and his wife had just a few minutes to talk. He was beyond gracious, and I sat down to speak with them. I explained to the two of them what happened to my brother and the struggle I was suddenly having distinguishing biblical truth from the lies of Satan.
My pastor graciously began talking to me about spiritual warfare and how the guilt my brother felt that night is a perfect example of how it sometimes plays out.
Spiritual warfare is not something that we put a lot of thought into; at least I had not. But it is a real battle in an unseen realm.
Think about it like this: in a football game, two teams are always on the field. At any given moment, one team plays offense while the other plays defense. For four quarters, there is a constant battle for the team on offense to get a touchdown while the opposing team fights to prevent their opponent from getting into the endzone.
Can you imagine watching a football game where only one team shows up to play? We know this would not happen, but there certainly wouldn’t be a fight for victory if it did.
Just as athletes compete on the field, a spiritual battle is going on for our souls. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us, “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (NIV).
As Jesus and His team of angels fight for us, Satan and his team of demons are fighting against us. While Jesus coaches us in love, grace, and forgiveness, Satan is screaming lies of hate, shame, and rejection.
On October 5, 2008, at 2:22 in the morning, Barrett knew there was hope, grace, and forgiveness in Jesus. Still, the lies of the enemy led him to believe otherwise. Satan was screaming a message that he had messed up too many times, that he had hurt his family yet again by his decisions, and that there was no way he could, or should, go on living.
This is what Satan wants us to believe. He wants us to believe that we are worthless, that we are failures, that we are too far gone to be wanted or rescued by Jesus. He wants us to believe that we have no purpose, that we are unlovable, and that we cannot be forgiven. Maybe you’ve felt these things. Perhaps someone you deeply love has felt or is feeling these things.
Friend, this simply is not true. There is never a time when we are out of the reach of God.
Author Jerry Bridges wrote: “Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.”1
We can never do anything to make God love us any less than He already does, and we can never do anything to make God love us any more than He already does. In a world constantly changing around us, Jesus is the same. His love for us remains solid and unconditional in our worst and best moments.
The enemy may have gotten the best of my brother that night and won the battle in Barrett’s mind, but I can tell you that he did not win the war in his life.
My pastor shared Scripture with me from Romans 8:38-39, which says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is Christ Jesus our Lord” (NIV).
What does this mean? It means that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Once we surrender our lives to Jesus, there is no mistake, fear, unwise decision, person, scheme, temptation, or anything that can separate us from God’s love.
Just as I needed to hear this truth from Scripture, some of you need to listen to it as well. Jesus Himself says, “I give them eternal life and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand” (John 10:28, NIV). Salvation is a precious gift that, once we receive it, can never be taken away from us.
My brother, Barrett, put his faith in Jesus, and because of that, his eternity was forever secured. Ephesians 1:13b-14 says, “When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.”
So, what happens to a person who takes his or her own life? While this is certainly not God’s will for anyone, if a person has put his or her faith in Jesus for the forgiveness of his or her sin, then he or she is saved. And anyone who is saved will spend eternity in the presence of God in heaven. Neither life nor death can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.
After talking with my pastor, Jesus used Romans chapter eight to solidify my confidence that Barrett was with Jesus, and a peace set over me that I had not encountered in weeks.
What do you currently believe about God, yourself, or maybe even your circumstances that are contrary to the truth we see in Scripture? The enemy would have you drown in his lies of deception, but Jesus would have you experience freedom in His Truth.
Excerpted with permission from Hope, Hurt, and Healing by Catherine Renfro. Copyright 2025, B&H Publishing. Hope, Hurt, and Healing offers biblical encouragement for those that have lost a loved one to suicide. As a survivor, Catherine Renfro points to Christ as the One who stands with survivors in the hurt, walks with us in our healing, and allows us to move forward with hope.
About Catherine Renfro
Catherine Renfro serves as the national director of women’s evangelism at the North American Mission Board and is the author of Hope, Hurt, and Healing. Catherine received a master’s degree in Christian education and biblical counseling in 2010 and has been serving in full-time ministry ever since. She has a passion for seeing lost people come to know Jesus and for saved people to live out their purpose of making Jesus known.
Work Cited
1. Jerry Bridges, The Discipline of Grace (Colorado Springs: Nav Press, 2006).
