Abbie is a bright, confident, young woman in my church, and she is thirty-eight years younger than me. One day, to my surprise, she invited me to lunch. Over a plate of vegetables I listened as she shared her story of losing her mom to cancer as a teenager. Her story deeply moved me. I didn’t know it then, but that lunch would be the starting point of both a precious friendship and a personal journey toward more intentional relationships.
We live in a culture characterized by distrust, loneliness, and uncertainty. Society is quick-paced, and varying versions of global information are readily accessible. Based on their worldview and personal experiences, people see life from different perspectives, making it challenging to begin and nurture relationships. Yet, the biblical calls to love God, love others, and make disciples have not changed (Matt. 22:37-39; 28:19-20). How can we, as Christ followers, create connection and community across the generations?
In Titus 2, Paul instructed older women to model godly living and to teach younger women how to live self-controlled lives so that God’s word would not be slandered (vv. 3-5).
We are to invest our lives in the next generation. This kind of impactful intergenerational relationships can be seen in God’s Word.
Ruth and Naomi
The beautiful relationship between Ruth and Naomi is portrayed in the book of Ruth. Naomi found herself in a vulnerable situation. While living in an unfamiliar country, Naomi’s husband and sons died, leaving her to face a future without resources. Having nothing to offer them, Naomi selflessly urged her daughters-in-law to return to their families. But Ruth refused to leave her and pledged her commitment to Naomi and to Naomi’s God (Ruth 1:16-17).
Upon their return to Naomi’s hometown, Bethlehem, we see how their intergenerational relationship was helpful to both women. Ruth served Naomi by working to provide food. Even in her grief, Naomi offered wise counsel which led to Ruth marrying Boaz, the family redeemer. This captivating story of two women doing life together points us to the bigger story of God redeeming His people. It is through Ruth’s family line that Jesus the Messiah would be born (Matt. 1:5).
Ruth and Naomi needed each other. Their relationship, built through grief and love, bitterness and joy, was mutually beneficial and a blessing to all of us. Centuries later, we are still learning from their friendship.
Mary and Elizabeth
In Luke’s gospel, we get a quick look into the relationship of an older woman, Elizabeth, and her teenaged relative, Mary. Mary, in an encounter with the angel Gabriel (Luke 1:26-38), learned that through the Holy Spirit, she would give birth to Jesus. As part of that angel encounter, Mary learned that her aged relative, Elizabeth, was also pregnant.
After the angel’s announcement, Mary hurried from her home in Judea and traveled to Galilee to visit Elizabeth. Perhaps she was going to support and celebrate Elizabeth’s news, to share her own joyful news, or to seek encouragement and understanding from a trusted older woman.
Regardless of the reason, it was a spectacular, Spirit-led reunion as Mary entered the house and greeted Elizabeth. Baby John leapt for joy in Elizabeth’s womb, and Elizabeth loudly proclaimed her blessings over Mary and the Messiah she was carrying. Mary responded with her joy-filled hymn of praise, known as the Magnificat.
What a blessing that God, in His kindness, gave these women to each other in this intergenerational relationship. Can you imagine their joy and wonder as they talked about the work of God in their lives and tried to comprehend redemption’s story as prophecies were being fulfilled before their very eyes? How Elizabeth and Mary needed each other’s support and encouragement during this sacred time!
What about us?
From a human perspective, our lives and relationships may seem insignificant and ordinary in comparison with these biblical models. However, in God’s kingdom, consistent obedience in small things can have a big impact. Authentic friendships lived in seeming obscurity can have a profound effect. That’s certainly true of someone who invested in me.
My Mentor
My high school choral director, Wanda, lived her faith boldly and made Christianity attractive through her character and conversation both inside and outside the classroom. The personal time she invested and the excellent leadership and friendship she modeled for all her students probably seemed small to her, but her impact on thousands of lives, including mine, is profound.
I can’t know the impact my intergenerational relationships will have in the future, but I can trust God to produce fruit as I abide in Him (John 15:4-5) and live my life led by the Spirit. Here are some examples of relationships I have experienced while trying to live a God-honoring life of obedience in ordinary days.
My Family
I was a young, single adult when Lauren was born. She was my first niece, and I loved her as if she were my own child. I prayed diligently for her and gave her my undivided attention when I was home for visits. In Lauren’s childhood, we played the piano, read, and did whatever Lauren was interested in. We stayed connected by phone through Lauren’s college and grad school days, and though distance and age still separate us, we enjoy a close relationship as adults. We often chat about everyday things and weighty issues of faith, parenting, and elder care.
Young women in churches I’ve served
Laura was in my teen girls’ Bible study years ago. She was a believer, but had questions about Scripture and how to live her faith. We met weekly and worked together through her honest, difficult questions. I quickly learned it was OK to not have all the answers. Laura challenged me, and we held each other accountable.
Currently, I have close relationships with young women in my church who are becoming engineers and lawyers. Though I understand very little of their scientific or legal discussions, I enter into their world, appreciating the rigor and value of their work and offer love, encouragement, and wisdom as they pursue Christ.
Friends in the workplace
As a musician, church staff member, and private music instructor, I connect with people of all ages. For example, my work with a local theatre program has given me great friendships with students and staff who see the world from a different perspective. It is an honor to know and love them, create art together, and be their friend.
These kinds of relationships don’t just happen. They need cultivating. In fact, no intergenerational friendship is successful unless you are willing to do the work of investing time and attention, being fully present. But when you are willing to consistently invest, a foundation of trust is laid and barriers are overcome. As my niece, Lauren, wisely says, “When you earn someone’s trust, age and distance become irrelevant.”
So, how can you begin to connect with other generations? How do you invest in intergenerational friendships in your family, church, and workplace?
Getting Started
Here are some simple actions to initiate and cultivate intergenerational friendships:
- Pray for people in your sphere of influence. Ask God whom He wants you to invest in.
- Take a small first step. Introduce yourself and ask someone to tell his or her story.
- Be fully present as an attentive listener. Put your phone away.
- Work with a friend at a coffee shop or offer time in your home for a quiet getaway work space.
- Learn from your younger friends. Listen to understand, not just to respond.
- Invite a college student, single adult, or young family into your home for a meal, even if the house is a bit messy and the food is ordinary.
- Watch your friends’ kids play sports, perform in school plays, or recitals.
- Say yes to invitations even when it is inconvenient. Trust God with your schedule.
- Notice strengths and abilities. Equip and encourage people to serve with you.
- Be present at life events.
As you take steps to build intergenerational relationships, here are some things to consider:
- Your relationship with God should always be the priority of your life.
- Make sure your character is consistent with your beliefs.
- Remember that people are not projects. Relationships can be mutually beneficial.
- The ministry of consistent presence is powerful.
- Relationships can get messy. Be willing to go the distance.
- Speak life and trust the Holy Spirit to convict and direct.
Staying the Course
Building intergenerational relationships on a foundation of trust can lead to opportunities to share the gospel. Who knows how God may use us to change the course of someone’s life?
Life is short. Let’s live with intention and wise purpose as we reach out with love across the generations. Dare to meet together, look for ways to stir up love and good works, and encourage one another as we see the day approaching (Heb. 10:24-25).
I will leave you with the inspiring words of David as he saw generations singing of the righteousness of God in one joyful chorus.
The LORD is great and is highly praised; his greatness is unsearchable. One generation will declare your works to the next and will proclaim your mighty acts. I will speak of your splendor and glorious majesty and your wondrous works. They will proclaim the power of your awe-inspiring acts, and I will declare your greatness. They will give a testimony of your great goodness and will joyfully sing of your righteousness.
—Psalm 145:3-7
About Tricia Wakefield
Tricia Wakefield is the Director of Music and Choral Ministries at her church in Franklin, Tennessee, She vocal coaches theatre productions and accompanies choirs at a local high school, and teaches private music lessons in her home studio. Tricia is married to Mike, mom to two adult children and Nani to three grandchildren. In her spare time, you can find her wielding a crochet hook or chatting with friends at a local coffee shop.
Read more about friendship from Abena Ansah-Wright.
