Comparing ourselves to others is a shortcut to losing our joy. Yet comparison is such a familiar assailant to our identity and relationships that many of us hardly notice its intrusive presence in our lives. Its perceived threat has been diminished by its regular appearance in both our private and public interactions. When we discuss comparison, we often talk about it as a behavior we should avoid. But we don’t often think about what we should do instead. If we’re honest, many of us find it easier to mourn with those who mourn than to join other people in their joy…especially if the other person happens to be celebrating a dream that steps on the toes of our own.
But if comparison is the thief of joy, how can we ignite joy in others instead? What does it look like to live in community with people who have different strengths, gifts, and circumstances than our own? How can we actually celebrate — find true joy in — the beauty we see in other people’s lives?
Rejoice with the Rejoicing
A piece of Moses’ story we find in Deuteronomy 3:23-29 shows us what it looks like to not only cease our comparison, but to truly “rejoice with those who rejoice” as Paul instructs (see Rom. 12:15. Moses had been the Israelites’ leader through years of hardships and victories in the wilderness and was faithful in serving God through this leadership role.
At one point in their journey, the Israelites were grumbling for water. God told Moses to take his staff and tell the rock to yield its water (see Num. 20:8). But Moses was so angered by the Israelites’ grumbling and rebellion that he struck the rock twice instead of speaking to it (see v. 11). Water poured out in abundance, but because of his disobedience, Moses would not be the one to lead God’s people into the Promised Land, and he himself would not enter it.
Moses was so close to the land that he could spot the Israelites’ destination in the distance. In Deuteronomy 3, he pleaded with God one more time to allow him to enter the land he had been leading God’s chosen people toward for decades. But God’s no was final.
Prepare Others for Their Dreams
I’m no stranger to painful noes, and I’m guessing you aren’t either. But what I personally find most challenging is what God said in verse 28. Not only did God give Moses a disappointing no, but He also instructed Moses to commission Joshua, to encourage and strengthen him for the dream that would not be possible for himself. Moses wasn’t asked to merely accept that Joshua would lead the Israelites into a land that he would never see for himself, he was also told to prepare and train Joshua, pouring courage and strength into Joshua as his replacement.
We aren’t given information about how Moses felt in this moment. But, like me, I’m guessing you can imagine what it must have felt like to prepare someone else for the dream you’ve been working toward, and to celebrate someone else’s gift or opportunity that you would love to become a reality in your own life.
When we find ourselves in this place, we are tempted to settle for finding ways to be “OK” with others’ success and blessings that we’ve coveted for ourselves. Many of us play a game in which we rationalize someone else’s achievements by comparing and contrasting their life against our own, looking for reasons to feel good about our situation and circumstances. Whether done intentionally or not, this dangerous mental exercise usually results in belittling the other to feel more secure in our own position. We’re willing to acknowledge beauty in someone else’s life if we can find beauty that they don’t have in our own. While this form of comparison might be more hidden, it is no better than jealousy.
Our charge is the same as it was for Moses. God doesn’t tell us to merely find a way to accept others’ joy; He asks us to accelerate others’ joy, preparing and equipping them for their dream … even if it’s the same as our own unrealized dream.
Accelerate Others’ Joy
What does this look like today? Maybe you have a connection that could be helpful in fast-forwarding someone’s dream. Or perhaps you could commit to a regular rhythm of prayer for someone as they pursue an opportunity God has given them. Even asking questions that invites the other person to celebrate their joy with you can be a huge gift and a simple but impactful way of joining them in their joy. These are just a few of the countless possibilities when it comes to practicing accelerating others’ joy as we fight the tendency to compare and measure our joy against theirs.
If this feels challenging, you are not alone. I find it helpful to remember that feelings often follow actions. In other words, taking an active role in furthering someone else’s joy is the best way to experience joy yourself … even if it feels difficult in the beginning.
Receive Eternal Joy.
As with any emotional pain we experience in this life, it helps to return to Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. When I am tempted to measure my life against another’s or prone to point my finger in judgment of what I deem to be unfair and claim to be an authority on who is deserving of blessing, I am helped by remembering that Jesus traded me my death penalty for an eternal celebration with Him. I am the recipient of a joy that is anything but fair.
I’ve learned to see comparison and jealousy as the growl that lets me know I’m hungry — hungry for the One who is jealous for my soul. The truth for both you and me is that we will be satiated by nothing else.
Scripture doesn’t tell us how Moses felt as he prepared Joshua to lead God’s people into the Promised Land. But if we accept the invitation extended to us in his story, we can be assured that we will experience joy when we participate in others’ joy. This is a joy that is available to all of us, and it’s our starting place as we challenge ourselves to truly rejoice with those who rejoice and accelerate one another’s joy.
To read more from Nicole Zasowski, check out her Bible study, Daring Joy: What Six Women in the Bible Teach Us About the Power of Celebration When It Feels Risky, Complicated, and Even Impossible. Read an excerpt!
This article originally appeared in the May 2025 issue of HomeLife Magazine.
About Nicole Zasowski
Nicole Zasowski is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, and author of What If It’s Wonderful?, From Lost to Found, and the Bible study Daring Joy. Nicole is also the coauthor of Advances and Techniques in Restoration Therapy and Families and Forgiveness Second Edition. Her favorite place to be is looking for sea glass on the Connecticut shoreline where she lives with her husband and three young children.
