Ministering to singles does not come easy for churches, let alone a women’s ministry. As we think about how we can best serve our single sisters, we must consider how our churches see singleness. If you look at church history, you see where Catholic churches have a high view of singleness while many of the evangelical churches tend to cater to married couples and families. In evangelical circles, we have a large number of workshops, conferences, retreats, and classes that focus on marriage, parenting, and/or age and generation grouping. Rarely do we see an emphasis on ministering to single adults unless the church is large enough for a singles ministry. But it’s important to celebrate the benefits of being single as indicated by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7.
Considering how to best minister to single adults, we must remember that singleness looks different for everyone. Different seasons in life and ages produce specific needs and concerns for that season and time. Those in their twenties and thirties may be looking for spouses and desiring to get married while others may be fearful of or uninterested in marriage. Some singles in their forties and fifties may have been single all their lives, and others may have been widowed or divorced with children. While it is difficult to address the multitude of needs for a single person, leaders need to be sensitive and aware that singleness looks and feels different for each person. They are not incomplete people because they are single; rather they are complete in Christ.
Nurturing Community.
Creating an atmosphere where the singles are not left out just because they are not married or not part of a family is crucial. Find ways to be more inclusive, such as hosting events that are more intergenerational and single-friendly—taking into consideration that some may have been recently widowed or divorced.
Finding Opportunities to Serve.
In your ministry, find ways in which singles can be represented and have a voice. Their single-minded devotion to ministry can have a great influence. For me, I went from being single all my life to a single mom who is fostering kids of different ages. My focus had to shift just like many who get married and have kids. Time and activities at the church shifted. Sometimes, singles are given supporting roles in ministry instead of allowing them to have roles that carry more responsibilities. They may be viewed as not having “arrived” or not being “mature” since they haven’t been married. This may not be the case for everyone, but I know that has been my experience. As I have gotten older, my involvement in leadership has increased.
Caring for singles.
One of the major struggles for singles is loneliness, especially since we live in a culture that highly values independence. The church has a great opportunity to provide communities and friendships that can meet the needs of singles. Also, in counseling, I have encountered married people who feel lonely as well. Aside from creating opportunities for community, it may be helpful for the church to address the need for accountability and friendships that encourage growth.
More importantly, we need to watch out for the singles who may be going through depression and anxiety. Along with loneliness, singles often struggle with several fears such as getting older, financial instability, career change, and loss of relationships. Churches can provide opportunities that encourage a variety of relationships from mentoring to discipleship and opportunities to serve on various ministries to build a much-needed community.
Celebrating Milestones.
When we think of celebrations, we think of gathering with people at birthdays, weddings, baby showers, and so forth. Singles can feel left out at times. These are great opportunities for the church to surround single people with love. Just think about a single person moving to a new city. Who would take her out for her birthday? Who does she celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas with if she is not able to go home? Who can she turn to after going through difficult milestones such as losing a parent or coming out of a painful relationship? Singles need people to walk alongside them during these difficult moments. Someone from the church needs to be there for them at a graduation, wedding, or funeral of a loved one.
The solution may not necessarily be that we must have a separate ministry just for singles as much as it is helping the church to have a different perspective on singleness. Whether it is creating opportunities to serve or making the time to build relationships with singles, the tone and attitude to singles is one of inclusivity as opposed to making them feel left out for being single. Many singles served the Lord faithfully in the Bible, church history, and on the mission field. My encouragement to you in your ministry is to consider singles’ needs and be more sensitive to the different seasons that singles go through in life.
About Alicia Wong
Alicia Wong serves as the women’s ministry specialist for Lifeway Women and as an associate professor of Women’s Ministry at Gateway Seminary in Ontario, CA. She has served as a missionary with IMB and NAMB and has been teaching in seminaries and local churches on the topics of Missions and Ministry to Women for over twenty-five years. She is a graduate of Gateway Seminary (M.A. in Intercultural Studies and Christian Counseling) and Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary (M.Div. and Ed.D.). She desires to see women be firmly rooted in biblical truth, built up in Christ, and established in their faith so that they may share the good news with others to the ends of the earth.
Get to know Alicia Wong in this episode of the MARKED Podcast. Read more from Alicia in our Leading Well blog series.
