Taking Mentoring Beyond the Coffee Shop

When it comes to mentoring, perhaps you envision yourself imparting wisdom to a younger woman with a cup of coffee in hand. Or maybe you imagine yourself on the receiving end, drinking in a mentor’s advice like a Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve sought counsel from older saints in many coffee shops, but I wonder if the misconception that mentoring has to be formally structured might hinder us from going deeper in our discipling relationships. 

The downsides of this misconception really set in when I became a mom. With tiny disciples in our home, it became increasingly difficult to make disciples outside of the home—especially when it involved formal meetups. Though it felt nearly impossible to prioritize, the biblical mandates to go and make disciples (Matt. 28:19) and to teach [the younger women] what is good (Titus 2:3) weren’t given along with any disclaimers. But they didn’t come with the expectation of structured, sit-down conversations either. By welcoming those we’re discipling into our everyday lives and seeking to enter theirs, we can mentor beyond the coffee shop and embrace the biblical model for true discipleship. 

1. Invite Them into Your World.

I’ll never forget the time I took a girl I was discipling, along with my two daughters, to Old Navy. As we were about to check out, my toddler decided that she needed another pair of sparkly jelly shoes—or else. This near-meltdown provided an opportunity to instruct not only my daughter but the girl I was investing in, too.  

Seemingly ordinary moments like this one provide memorable, real-life lessons in discipleship. Although inviting the young women you’re discipling into your world might feel vulnerable, it provides them with opportunities to see that you are a person who needs Jesus, just like them. Instead of simply telling them how to have faith, you get to show them what it looks like to put your faith into action—the kind of lesson that isn’t easy to replicate in a coffee shop. 

For example, instead of talking through marital issues, your mentee might see you seek reconciliation after squabbling with your husband in the kitchen. Instead of hearing about how you navigate parenting challenges, they’ll have a chance to watch you train and discipline your kids in real time. By welcoming those you’re discipling into your everyday life, you’ll show them your need for Christ, which levels you at the foot of the cross. This will eradicate any temptation to prop you up on a pedestal, bringing you down to their level as a fellow “student” in the school of grace. There, you’ll find deep camaraderie in your shared need for God’s grace and embrace the joyful call to follow Jesus together. 

But what does this look like practically? Take a moment to consider your calendar and the routines that make up your days. Are there things that you could invite your mentee to do with you, like coming over for dinner, running errands around town, or joining you on your daily walk? These mundane moments will provide opportunities for failure—especially if you have young children like me—but it will show your mentee how to apply the gospel in real time and help her do the same. 

2. Enter Their World.

When I was a young Army wife, the woman who mentored me had never visited a military installation. Thankfully, the intimidation of a guarded gate and the sound of bugle calls did not stop her from coming over to help me hang curtains in our baby’s nursery while my husband was deployed. I am certain that her kindness softened my heart to the many lessons she would eventually share through discipleship. I’ve heard it said that’s where ministry happens, at the intersection of theology and psychology. It’s of utmost importance that we teach the women we’re mentoring who God is, but we must seek to understand who they are, too. By knowing more of their lives, we can better come alongside them and help them follow Jesus.   

Entering into and knowing multiple facets of each other’s lives enables us to help them apply the truths of Scripture to whatever challenges they face. It provides insight into areas in their lives that might require compassion, teaching, kindness, training, and biblical encouragement. When we assist them with errands, deliver meals, or show up at significant events, we send a clear message: they hold immense value and significance in the kingdom of God. 

But what might it look like, practically, to enter the world of the women you’re investing in? Think about the young women you know—their interests, occupations, and callings. Do they love sports, art, or being outdoors? Are they in school or do they work inside or outside the home? Are they married, single, or have children? Have you considered what it might look like to support them in the callings the Lord has placed on their lives? Knowing their life seasons and responsibilities will help you to bring the message of the gospel to them right where they are. 

If you’re carving out time to mentor someone over coffee, please continue! Engaging in deep conversations about the truths of Scripture and how we should live in response is not just valuable—it’s essential for true discipleship. However, discipleship doesn’t stop at the coffee shop; it must extend into our everyday lives. Consider inviting those you mentor into your world and actively entering theirs. In doing so, may all of our discipleship  go deeper, setting the gospel on display for the glory of God. 

To read more from Hunter Beless, check out the Titus Bible study she co-wrote with Courtney Doctor at lifeway.com/titus. Plus, listen to Hunter and Courtney on the MARKED Podcast as they eplore Paul’s message in Titus.

ABOUT HUNTER BELESS