About two years into my journey as a single foster mom, I found myself constantly at the door of my colleague who is a counseling professor at Gateway Seminary, asking for help. My four-year-old foster daughter was having a major meltdown every day at home and at school. I had to go to her school at least two to three times a week to get her. That began my journey into counseling classes as I desperately needed guidance to help kids who come from trauma.
While finishing my degree, I had to do a practicum in which I was counseling others, and I found many of the people that I counseled happened to be in ministry. I began to see patterns in the ministry leaders that I was counseling and realized that many of them did not struggle with biblical knowledge but rather how to process living out their faith knowing what they know about God and the Bible.
For ministry leaders, we have somehow bought into the notion that emotions are bad. Perhaps the reason is that we make decisions based on our emotions that have resulted in negative consequences. Therefore, we think emotions can cause us harm. While making decisions based on our current emotional state is not wise, we need to view emotions as indicators of something that is happening.
An example of this is if I were sad, instead of talking to someone, I eat a whole gallon of ice cream. Being sad is not a bad thing. If someone has hurt me, then of course I would be sad. It is OK to be sad about that. We do not need to have an emotional high or be happy all the time. There are occasions and times in which we can and should feel other emotions.
God and Jesus both had emotions. In reading the book of Psalms, we see a number of emotions expressed: love, anger, joy, sadness, loneliness, repentance, compassion, and so forth. You can see emotions expressed throughout Scripture quite often. God so loved the world that He gave His Son. God’s showing wrath against Israel’s betrayal. Jesus flipped tables. Jesus wept.
Instead of fearing emotions, let’s look at them as indicators of something happening deep inside of us. That is where counselors are so helpful because they see past the emotions and help us to figure out what is really going on that causes these deep emotions. For many leaders, because of the nature of our jobs, we tend to stuff it and not share it for fear that it may come back to bite us. For some, it is the fear of showing vulnerability. What would others think about us if they really knew how we felt or thought? We can easily get to a point where we burn or become emotionally distraught.
I have seen ministry leaders struggle with their relationships within their marriages, family, church, and at work. They struggle not with what the Word of God has to say about a certain situation, but more so with how they feel about the situation. It is often difficult for them to find someone with whom they can talk, and for some, a counselor may be a good option; for others, a good friend, a mentor, or someone who has gone through a similar situation may be best.
Galatians 6:1-2 says, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is overtaken in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual, restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so that you also won’t be tempted. Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” For us as ministry leaders, it’s so important to really help one another out, and a big way to do this is really listening to one another without the expectation that everyone has to be perfect or live perfect lives as demonstrated in social media.
Please protect your emotional health. Emotion is not your enemy; it is an indicator of something happening whether it be good or bad—if you put your hand on a hot stove, it is good that you feel pain so that you know to yank your hand off.
Five Suggestions for improving your emotional health:
- Spend time alone with the Lord. Get real with God. Let the Holy Spirit do His job in comforting you, encouraging you, building you up, and instructing you.
- Go to a godly friend, mentor, discipler, or counselor who will listen (Gal. 6:2). We are not meant to do this alone. Meet regularly, preferably once a week.
- Schedule time off for a retreat or sabbatical to take inventory of how you are doing emotionally and spiritually.
- Serve others.
- Find healthy ways to express your emotions. Go for a walk, drive to the beach (I live in Southern California). Journal. Listen to worship music.
No matter what you decide, just know that your emotional health as a leader is important. When you are emotionally unhealthy, it may cause damage and harm that can be painful for you and others. Take care of yourself so you can better serve God and His kingdom.
For further reading, I recommend Geri Scazzero book The Emotionally Healthy Woman: Eight Things You Have to Quit to Change Your Life.
You Lead Webinar | Self Care for the Women’s Leader
ABOUT ALICIA WONG
Alicia Wong serves as the women’s ministry specialist for Lifeway Women and as an associate professor of Women’s Ministry at Gateway Seminary in Ontario, CA. She has served as a missionary with IMB and NAMB and has been teaching in seminaries and local churches on the topics of Missions and Ministry to Women for over twenty-five years. She is a graduate of Gateway Seminary (M.A. in Intercultural Studies and Christian Counseling) and Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary (M.Div. and Ed.D.). She desires to see women be firmly rooted in biblical truth, built up in Christ, and established in their faith so that they may share the good news with others to the ends of the earth.
Get to know Alicia Wong in this episode of the MARKED Podcast. Read more from Alicia in our Leading Well blog series.
