It’s Christmas Eve. The stockings are hung by the fire with care.
The lights are aglow on the tree and each present has been thoughtfully chosen and wrapped with love.
The little ones went to bed late from excitement, but you find yourself still awake, feeling a little sad.
You see, tomorrow there will be children running down the stairs to open presents, but there will be one who will not be there. The parenting agreement allows you to alternate holidays, and this is not your year.
You work hard to plan and communicate, but no matter what you do, it’s just plain hard to be part of a blended family during the holidays—whether it’s Christmas Eve, Thanksgiving, or New Year’s Day.
Complex emotions, complicated schedules, and cumbersome logistics are just a few of the things that make this family structure a challenge during this time of year. And while it’s hard to be a grown-up in this dynamic, it’s perhaps even harder to be a child in one. The whiplash of leaving one home to the next, missing out on the traditions of one for the other, missing siblings and extended family visits—it’s a lot to digest!
So, how do we, as Christian women, navigate the complexities of celebrating the holidays as a blended family in a way that honors the Lord?
Here are a few foundational places for us to start:
- Remember who you are.
You are a gift-buyer, present-wrapper, cookie-baker, and memory-maker; but most importantly, you are a child of God. When you’re tempted to give into comparison, jealousy, anger, or another whole slew of possible emotions, try to remember where your identity is found. Your security in Christ can be an anchor for you during the chaos of the holidays. You are fully loved, fully forgiven, and fully whole as a believer, and regardless of what is said, done, or experienced during this time, no one can take away your security in Jesus. Thank You, Lord!
- Remember to pray.
Unplanned schedule changes? Pray. Disobedient kiddos? Pray. Tricky relationships? Pray. Sometimes that’s all we can do, and it’s always the best thing to do. Be rest assured that anytime, anywhere, any request can be brought to God. He cares for you. He cares for your family. Take any and every request to Him as you navigate these weeks of complexities and watch how He can take what feels impossible and turn it into something good.
- Remember what the holiday is about.
It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the season. For blended families, it’s tempting to get hung up on the fact you often cannot celebrate on the actual holiday. Try to remember the real reason why we celebrate—the birth of our Savior and King—Jesus Christ! Above all, make sure your children and/or stepchildren understand the why behind the celebration and the hope that you have as a believer.
It’s challenging to write this post knowing your circumstances are far more complex and nuanced than any singular blog post or writer can understand. I started to write this post with more practical “how-tos,” but it just didn’t feel right. I can poke a hole in each suggestion of “what to do when” because I am living this life, too, and I know how complicated it can be.
Next year, I’ll celebrate ten years in my blended family, and I’m still learning. Remembering who I am, remembering to pray, and remembering the reason why we celebrate will serve me just as well in these coming weeks. In fact, come to think of it, I don’t even know what they will look like this year—ha! But unlike the early years, I’m learning to lay it down at the Lord’s feet. My frustrations, my hang-ups, my need for control—He can handle it all.
So while it may not be perfect, I’ll try to remember it’s about celebrating the One who is.
ABOUT MICKEY PITTS
Mickey Pitts serves as the event development strategist for Lifeway Women. It is her joy to be a part of creating new events that impact the kingdom and draw women closer to God. Mickey lives in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, with her husband and three boys.
