The hospital, for many, is a place of help and healing. However, for others quite the opposite is true. Within the medical community, there is something known as Nosocomial Infections. This occurs when a patient becomes ill, sometimes fatally, from instruments of healing such as catheters, ventilators, and surgical lines. What makes them difficult to treat is that they are multi-drug resistant, require quarantine, and can easily spread into the community. It is shocking because it is unexpected and prompts the question, Is the hospital a safe place for me to go?
Similarly, the church, for many, is a sanctuary—a place of solace, community, and spiritual growth. However, for others, it can be a source of profound pain and disillusionment. Church hurt, often resulting from experiences of betrayal, judgment, or hypocrisy within religious communities, can leave deep scars on the soul. It is shocking because it is unexpected and prompts the question, Is the church a safe place for me to go?
The serpent inflicted trauma on the couple in Genesis 3, and it has been his agenda ever since. Evil’s intent is to use trauma in every form, at every level, and in every location, including the church. It (he) wants to bend the beautiful and wound the children of God.
Church hurt can take various forms, ranging from emotional, physical, and spiritual abuse to manipulation and exclusion. It may stem from conflicts with church leadership, disagreements over doctrine, or mistreatment by fellow believers and church leaders. Whatever the cause, the impact of church hurt can be devastating, shaking your faith to its core and leaving lasting emotional wounds. If this is your story, I am so sorry for your pain. Yet, amidst the pain, there is hope for healing and restoration.
Six ways to navigate church hurt and find healing for your soul:
- Acknowledge and name its reality and the depth of its impact. It’s essential to recognize and validate the pain you’ve experienced, allowing yourself to grieve the loss of trust, community, and spiritual safety that may have been shattered. There is power in naming your pain. Suppressing or denying the hurt only prolongs the healing process.
- Be intentional, preemptive, alert, and attuned to what evil is intent on doing in this world, including the church. Let 1 Peter 5:8-11 be a part of your spiritual formation—being aware of the strategies of the enemy, standing firm in your faith, and resisting him.
- Be aware of your hidden expectations versus realistic expectations. Many of us have unspoken expectations that the church should fulfill our expectations and that our pastors should be perfect, available, and attuned to all of our needs. This just isn’t realistic. Pastors and church leaders, like us, are flawed human beings who fail and make mistakes. However, like us, they should be accountable, approachable, and teachable.
- Seek support. No one should navigate the journey of healing alone. Processing your story with someone trusted can provide invaluable comfort and guidance. Depending on the depth of your trauma, Christian counselors, coaches, or spiritual directors are an invaluable and necessary resource. There is healing in the safe holding of our stories by another.
- Become an expert on forgiveness and repair. I say this one tenderly and carefully because so often in our Christian circles, we rush past the offense and our pain to this one. That said, forgiveness is a powerful tool in the healing process, but it’s essential to recognize that forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing the actions that caused you harm. Instead, forgiveness is about releasing yourself from the burden of resentment and anger.
- Set appropriate boundaries. In the process of healing from church hurt, it’s crucial to establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm. This may involve distancing yourself from unsafe, unhealthy individuals or environments, setting limits on the expectations others place on you, and prioritizing self-care.
Overcoming Church Hurt
Church hurt can often lead to a crisis of faith, and rebuilding trust will take time. Be curious and kind with yourself and pay attention to what you need—body, soul, and spirit. Give yourself grace and space to heal. Healing is a journey of courage, resilience, and faith; remain open as the enemy’s plan is to isolate you, steal from you, and destroy what is beautiful and faith-filled in you. With all her flaws, the church is the bride of Christ, and He will never give up on her! Remember, you may have been hurt by human beings with the capacity for evil, but not by a God who loves you unconditionally. The heart of God is always postured toward redemption, restoration, repair, and renewal. I am praying those things over your heart right now.
Note: Two great resources for help are Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church by Diane Langberg and When Narcissism Come to Church: Healing Your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by Chuck DeGroat.
ABOUT KAYE HURTA
Kaye Hurta has a Masters Degree in counseling from Liberty University and is a crisis counselor for women’s events through Lifeway Christian Resources. Whether speaking, singing or listening, Kaye’s passion is to help others find intimacy with Christ and soul transformation through the living pages of His Word. “I was a wounded, lonely Midwest farm girl until the Divine Romancer swept me off my feet. I want to steward my story well so that others can find Him in their stories and be fully satisfied.” Kaye met and married her husband Chris in Austin, Texas, in 1987. They have two daughters through the miracle of adoption, Madison and Cami. They live on Florida’s West Coast and are both on staff at Bayside Community Church. Kaye is also a contributing author for the Lifeway resource, Women Reaching Women in Crisis.
