The most wonderful time of the year is here! I pray this season finds your heart glad with thankfulness to the Lord for His kindness and nearness to you. The holiday season is dear to my family—full of traditions, spending time with loved ones, and reflecting on the birth of my Savior, Jesus. Over the last two holiday seasons, I have spent a lot of time pondering the coming of Emmanuel and the weight of the gift of His presence. Especially that being “here with us” meant He was not in heaven with His Father. He left His home, came clothed in utter humility as an infant and absolute power as King of kings, and dwelt among us so that we might be brought to God. A gift worth celebrating—God with us in order to bring us to God.
Two years ago, my husband and I knew God was calling us to start fostering. Little did we know how much that would affect the holidays, in both sweet and challenging ways. I hope I can share with you some of the joys of being a foster family during the holidays and help you understand how to support foster families like mine—with a laugh or two along the way!
One of the joys of foster care is giving a child the gift of belonging. As we have brought our foster children to spend holidays with our families, it has been incredibly sweet to watch our loved ones wrap around and treat them as though they have always been part of our family. Children need to belong, be safe, and be loved. Some of the most profound ways you can support foster families in your local church, family, or elsewhere this holiday season are by being present and available to support them, loving them well, and praying for them. I will share two examples of this, though I have several more in mind.
My dear friend, Liz, received a call from DCS on Thanksgiving for their little boy. They forwent their family plans, skipped the festivities, and spent Thanksgiving in the NICU meeting their son who needed a place to belong.
Foster families make holiday plans that frequently get shifted last-minute, and we need support from our community. Sometimes that looks like welcoming our children into your home while we go to the hospital to room-in with a baby in the NICU, and other times it looks like providing a meal for a family bringing home a child. I fully realize this may not be convenient for you, especially amid your own holiday plans and family traditions, but your presence and willingness to offer support is such a gift. DCS does not consider the convenience of timing, so foster families cannot either. My friends were not able to be with their other children or loved ones on Thanksgiving—and they ate Whataburger for dinner. I am not knocking Whataburger—I love a good honey butter chicken biscuit—but my point is that their yes to that call meant a difficult change of plans.
My husband and I got a call from DCS last Christmas season while we were with his family in Mississippi. The woman asked if we would be willing to come pick up a baby boy who needed a place to belong and said we had until 7:30 p.m. to get to the hospital in Nashville. I will spare the details on how fast we drove. This came with a few plot twists, the main one being my husband was slated to preach the following morning in Mississippi. With this, my sister-in-law and I drove to the hospital, in record time, I might add, and my friend mentioned above, Liz, met us there with an infant car seat and a baby boy outfit. We pulled into the parking lot at 7:28 p.m. Two minutes to spare!
My husband came home the next day to meet our newest family member. While we had plans to spend Christmas with family, we were not allowed to travel out of state with our son due to legal circumstances. Without hesitation, my husband’s family changed their holiday plans, loaded up their vehicles, and drove to Nashville so we could be together on Christmas. ‘Tis the season to be flexible!
A couple of challenging aspects of being a foster family during the holiday season are incorporating foster children into family traditions and supporting them as they are separated from their biological families, often including siblings. If a child is old enough to know his family traditions, I ask if there are certain traditions that he would like to incorporate with ours. This gives me an opportunity to hear part of his story and lets him share with me what would make him feel more at home.
Maybe that is making a certain craft or preparing his favorite dish with Christmas dinner. This helps the child feel seen and cared for, and validates that he is not simply sitting in on the holidays with our family but is truly valued and wanted here. If we are making crafts, we give the opportunity to create something for a loved one of their choice. When we plan for holiday meals, we ask our children what dishes they would love. We understand holidays are a difficult time for most children in foster care. We expect them to grieve, and we use language to acknowledge those very real feelings. We are not offended when a child is seemingly unthankful or upset to be with us. We realize there is trauma that comes with separating families, and we choose to show up day after day, stand in the gap, love them as well as we can by the strength and grace of God, and know that love is never wasted.
Lastly, while I love to give our children the space to share their stories with us and others, I would ask on behalf of every foster parent I know, please do not ask about the child’s parents, what “happened” to them, or degrade their biological families in front of them. This can be both traumatic and detrimental for them, especially if they are old enough to remember their lived experiences.
Many people are shocked to learn of the hundreds of children sleeping in DCS offices, shelters, and hotels across our country. I pray God would break your heart as He has mine for these children. As we set up our Christmas trees and prepare our family feasts, as we gather supplies for family traditions and move our elves around the shelves, let our hearts be broken for the children who will not wake up to gifts under a tree or sit around a dinner table surrounded by family and sounds of laughter like many of us. Let us pray for them, and equally let us pray that we would be good stewards of our homes as a resource in God’s kingdom meant for holy use. I pray you will consider making room in your family for children who need a place to belong—after all, there was no room for the very Son of God.
ABOUT MEREDITH CUMMINGS
Meredith Cummings came to know and love the Lord as her Savior when she was 14. Moving to Nashville in 2017, her husband, Caleb, and she serve at Nashville First Baptist Church. They are a foster and adoptive family and currently have a three-year-old daughter, Hadley, a one-year-old foster son, and an infant, Lillian. Meredith is a registered perioperative nurse at Monroe Carell Jr. Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt and the lead female worship leader/songwriter for The Lowly Heirs.
