My experience with hospitality started in my childhood home. My parents came to Christ as adults when I was just eight years old. Many things changed in our family because of their decisions to follow God. We started going to church and having “awkward” family devotions. I became used to seeing my dad hunched over his Bible in deep concentration and singing hymns as he busied himself around the house. This was the beginning of a new beginning.
One of the most impactful changes was what I like to call an “open door” policy at our home. It became commonplace for our home to be filled with adults, college students, and teens on Sunday nights. On any night of the week, it wasn’t unusual for our back porch to host a few people for Bible study or spiritual conversations. My parents’ hearts grew into their new faith, and it showed itself in what seemed to be unreasonable hospitality. Our house was tiny, the bank accounts meager, and the groceries slim after feeding the six of us. Yet, our door was always open. The tiny, meager, and slim were shared with whoever walked through it. There was always a seat at the table for one more.
Valuable lessons
I learned some valuable lessons about hospitality in that modest space. These values have served me well over the years and I’d like to share them with you.
- Generosity is the core of hospitality. It holds hands tightly with love and kindness and is rooted in Scripture where we see Jesus and His followers showing compassion to friends, strangers, and those in need. Generosity is much more about the heart than it is our bank accounts. When we open our hearts and love people, the outgrowth is kindness and open-handedness with ourselves and our homes. God never meant for us to live in a posture of scarcity, no matter what or how much we have. Whether it’s our time, treasure, abilities, or home, it’s His gift to us for the purpose of showing kindness and love to others. Open the door of your heart and home and watch and see what God will grow in you.
- Simplicity is such a good word to infuse into the discussion of hospitality. So often we think of “entertaining” people in our homes, and it begins to feel daunting and like a lot of work. Our house is not big enough or perfect enough. We’re not great cooks or even good cooks. Our children are messy and loud. Perhaps we simply need to acknowledge that this is life, and it’s normal. Our feelings about it are normal, but we can’t let that stop us from the joy of opening our home.
Posturing your home and heart to receive people in a way everyone feels relaxed, safe, and comfortable means you can’t be frenzied. Sometimes I go “over the top” in planning for people to be in my space. OK, there, I said it. I’m guessing some of you can relate. It’s a hazard to my psyche as well as my guests’ experience. I’m trying to learn to take a deep breath, scale back on the things that are not essential, and let go of the things that don’t matter to set the right tone for my home. After all “home’ is not a place that’s perfectly decorated or always in order, especially if you have littles in the home, work crazy hours, or simply aren’t into all things organizational. Home is where we do life and invite others to join in it with us.
Remember, the focus of hospitality is not on you but on the person you welcome through your door. It’s about sharing yourself and what you have in a way that makes people feel valued. Pesky perfectionism can sometimes flip on us and suddenly our hospitality focus is on us—being the best cook, the best homemaker, the best . . . fill in the blank. Suddenly, we are looking for praise and affirmation for things unrelated to opening our hearts to people and making them feel comfortable and safe in our space. We can set our intention to practice welcoming and caring for others because we understand that hospitality extends beyond mere physical hosting to creating an atmosphere of warmth and acceptance.
Holiday Hospitality
Practicing hospitality during the holidays can carry an extra weight that we may not feel ready to undertake.
Whether you are ready to dive in headfirst or are already exhausted before you start, I suggest taking a few minutes to think about what you want the holidays to feel like at your house. Consider your time and energy constraints and acknowledge that we rarely, if ever, can do it all. Give yourself permission to let some things go and focus on what really matters to you. Who would you miss spending time with? Be intentional about them. Get some dates on the calendar. What would you miss sharing with friends or family? Contact them and make a plan to connect. What do you have that you can share with someone who’s hurting or lonely? Reach out to them and offer a hand. Spending this time thinking and planning will add to your enjoyment of the season.
For me, the holidays in my home are a big deal. I make them a big deal. As I have extra time, it’s the season of the year that I allow myself to put in some extra effort to create a festive atmosphere. There will be dinners planned and dinners impromptu. There will be decorations and sweets that only magically appear during these weeks. I enjoy it and do it for the tradition and happiness it brings those who are in my space. I get to decide when it’s important for me to open my door and what will happen once it is.
But not everyone enjoys that or is wired that way. And that’s OK. You get to decide when you will open your door and what will happen once you do. You could start small and just invite someone in for hot chocolate and cookies. Think ahead of time about how you might guide the conversation and encourage your guests. Maybe you could have a Christmas movie night if you feel uncertain about conversation. Pop some popcorn, enjoy the movie, and then talk about what you liked and didn’t like about it. Or maybe you could host a “neighbor night” and have everyone drop by with or without a dish to share. The ideas are endless. You just need to open your heart and let the heart of generosity that God gave you flow out.
The surprising gift of hospitality is that the more you pursue it, the more it pursues you, brings you joy, and becomes a rhythm of connecting with those who desperately need a safe place to land. Be generous with your time, abilities, home, and heart during this holiday season. I invite you to open your door.
ABOUT BETSY LANGMADE
Betsy Langmade is a wife, mother and grandmother who’s thankful for the blessing of FAMILY and enjoys time with them above all else. Whether on the management, planning, or coordinating side of events, she believes deeply in the power of experiences where God’s Word is central. Betsy currently leads the Lifeway Women events team. In her spare time, she . . . well truthfully there isn’t a lot of that!
