On New Year’s Day of 2021, I lost my precious stepmom to COVID. It was devastating. In the weeks leading up to her death, my family boldly asked for God to heal her while she was intubated in the ICU. It was one of the first times in my life that I begged God to act—truly, emphatically begged. My children joined in as much as they could at the ages of three and six, believing God could make “Happy,” their nickname for her, better. God did make her better because she joined Him in eternity. But He didn’t answer our prayers in the way we desperately hoped He would. It crushed me.
Now, I bring this up to make a point. It has been almost three years since this loss, and we still feel it. We’ve seen God bring goodness from our pain, but the pain still resides here. There’s still an ache. Just this week, my daughter came home from church with a little red heart made of construction paper. On it, she had drawn three people and something that looked like a butterfly hovering above them. And on the other side, in the sweetest handwriting, she wrote something I couldn’t make out. She handed it to me and said, “Mama, this was my prayer today—that God would bring Happy back to earth.” The drawing was of my daughter, my son, and Happy, with an angel floating above them.
This of course led to a real conversation about the impossibility of anyone returning from heaven. And thankfully, my sweet girl understood. But here’s what stuck with me: She was unbelievably bold in her prayer. Where did she learn to pray like this?
Even now, three years later, God is using those original prayers for healing to teach me something through the childlike heart of my daughter. Our time in prayer during this painful season resonated enough with her that she felt comfortable asking the Father for something utterly impossible.
We often forget how much our prayers—our audible, honest prayers—affect our children. They’re watching and listening. They’re modeling us. And they’re learning how to talk to the Lord. When we take the time to not only pray for our children but with them and in front of them, we teach them a few things:
1. We’re teaching them to be honest.
Many of us pray over meals with our children or recite the traditional “Now I lay me down to sleep” prayer at bedtime. And these prayers are so formative. But when we pray with our children and they hear us pouring our hearts out before God, we’re teaching them that they can also be honest before God. We’re showing them that it’s better to be raw before the Lord. We’re teaching them that God desires authenticity from us, even when it’s broken, ugly, and desperate. When we mess up and they hear us confess our sins, we teach them how to repent. I don’t know about you, friend, but I want my children to know they can go to God with all their emotions—their pain, hope, joy, and anxiety. I want them to know they don’t have to hide anything from their Maker. Our honesty with God will help them be honest.
2. We’re teaching them to be bold.
For most of my life, I’ve kept my prayers fairly safe. Perhaps you have as well. Maybe it’s a form of self-protection. Maybe it’s a lack of faith, honestly. But during my walk through grief, those walls crumbled. My son and daughter heard me ask God for our deepest desire for healing. And it’s my prayer that this will translate into their own lives—that they’ll know they can boldly approach the throne (Heb. 4:16). That they will know God is comfortable with them asking. That they will have such an intimate relationship with the Lord that they’ll simply crawl into His lap and ask Him for their deepest needs—and even their deepest wants. Our boldness will help them be bold.
3. We’re teaching them to trust.
In the days after my stepmom’s death, I had to reconcile with what felt like an unanswered prayer. And so did my children. If I’m honest, a big part of me wanted to shut down. But there was too much at stake. I had the responsibility of displaying how to respond to disappointment and heartache. Together, we learned to trust God. We still prayed and asked God to be with us. But we also thanked Him for being good even when life hurt so deeply. We declared our trust in Him even when things were painfully blurry. And somehow, my children came out on the other side even more confident in the Lord. When you face disappointment, stress, or loss, you have a tremendous gift: you get to show your children how to trust the One who holds it all in His hands. Your own trust will help them to trust the Lord.
If you don’t know where to start, here are a few simple ways you can begin to pray with your children:
- Pray for them on the drive to school. If they’re stressed about a test, pray about it. If they’re lonely, pray about it. If they keep coming home with conduct marks (like my girl!), pray about it.
- Pray at bedtime. Spend time thanking God for your child. Tell Him about your day and ask Him for the things your family needs. Confess where you’ve messed up. Then praise God for who He is and what He has done.
Pray anytime there’s a need. It is never too late to start.
When you pray with your kids, you’re doing more than teaching them how to pray; you’re helping them to know the character of God—that He is kind and loving, compassionate and forgiving, holy and just. What a profound gift it is to teach our children how to talk to their Creator. What an immense responsibility He’s given us. And what a joy it will be to one day see the fruit in their lives—even if it comes in the form of a red paper heart.
ABOUT ALECIA BRYANT
Alecia Bryant is the content and brand owner for The Gospel Project. She is married to Chris, the discipleship pastor in their local church. Alecia is passionate about helping other women see the value of God’s Word in their daily lives so that it impacts their homes. She believes God’s Word is an incredible gift. When she isn’t writing, you can find Alecia hunting down a bowl of queso with her family. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and their two children, Parker and Avery. You can connect with Alecia on her personal blog: wovenword.org.
