My husband and I are celebrating our thirty-fifth wedding anniversary this summer. For more than twenty of those years, I have been in vocational ministry. As a woman in a ministry, I have often admired Vic’s support and willingness to see me pursue my calling. Most ministry blogs about marriage focus on women as the ministry spouse, but Vic has faithfully walked alongside me in this journey as a husband, including a significant move twelve hours away from family and friends.
This milestone is one to be celebrated, but if I am honest, it hasn’t always been easy. We don’t consider ourselves experts in marriage, but there are some guidelines and boundaries we follow when protecting our relationship. Lately, I’ve been reading through Proverbs, and its wisdom provides some timely advice for today’s ministry couples.
- Your character is a reflection of your relationship. Proverbs 12:4 says, “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a wife who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” While this verse speaks specifically to the character of the wife, I would say that character and integrity matter for both the husband and the wife in a marriage. Do people see you as trustworthy? Do they see that your words match your actions? I can’t help but think about Acts 5 when Ananias and Sapphira sold a piece of property and secretly kept some of the proceeds. This lack of generosity and disobedience was a mark of their character, and both of them died as a consequence. Ministry leaders protect their marriages when they uphold God’s standards and follow His ways.
- Your marriage is exclusive and you are to find satisfaction in each other. Proverbs 5:15-23 contains several verses that speak about the enjoyment of a physical relationship with your spouse. Verse 17 says, “They should be for you alone and not for you to share with strangers.” It might seem obvious that your marriage and your physical intimacy are reserved for only one, but the heartbreak I hear from ministry leaders who have been unfaithful to their spouses is a reminder that being in ministry doesn’t exclude you from temptation. I take 1 Thessalonians 5:22 seriously. This verse speaks of staying away from evil, and you can practically set up physical boundaries that will protect this area of your marriage. For us, that means not being with the opposite sex in one-on-one situations. It means guarding our text messages, and it means communicating with one another when we have conversations with members of the opposite sex. This might seem a little old-fashioned to many people today, but those boundaries have served us well, especially in situations when I have worked with mostly men.
- Marriage is a priority and is for life. Proverbs 14:1 says, “Every wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” It’s easy to get caught up in building a ministry, whether that’s in the local church or an individual platform. It’s also easy to get caught up in the demands of raising children and building your family. But, as many wise women advised me during the years of having children at home, there would be a day when children will leave the house and you will only have your husband around. You better hope you really like him! Protect your marriage by building in times reserved for the two of you. Whether that’s a weekly date night or a weekend getaway, find exclusive times to set aside the rest of your responsibilities and focus on your spouse. Now that we are empty-nesters, we have found that we still enjoy spending time with each other, whether it’s kayaking or finding a new trail to hike.
- Speak well of each other and pursue peace. Many proverbs point to the importance of our words. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Protecting your marriage in ministry is realizing all the ways you can build each other up with your words—or tear one another down. How do you speak about your spouse in front of others? Are you critical of your spouse in front of others or do you speak well of him? If you want to protect your marriage, consider the power of your words.
- Finally, learn how to serve the Lord together and grow spiritually together. Proverbs 16:3 says, “Commit your activities to the LORD, and your plans will be established.” For more than twenty-five years, my husband and I served together in student ministry. My first staff position was on our student ministry staff. I’m not sure I would have been as effective in my work if Vic hadn’t been there beside me, serving students and showing up each week alongside me. We’ve done some ministry apart from one another, and Vic’s passion probably isn’t women’s ministry, but he has shown up many times to help me unload boxes, drive me to churches, and cheer me on. My ministry calling is stronger because we have learned how to serve together. We ask each other questions about things we are studying in Scripture, and often we’ll debrief things we’ve learned over Mexican food. I’m thankful that our marriage is stronger because serving the Lord is a priority.
How are you protecting your marriage? Whether it’s the way you speak about one another or the way you serve the Lord together, make your marriage a priority that lasts a lifetime.
Kelly is the Manager of Magazines/Devotional Publishing and Women’s Ministry Training for Lifeway Christian Resources. She is the author of Ministry to Women: The Essential Guide to Leading Women in the Local Church and contributor to the Lifeway Women’s Bible, as well as the Lifeway Women Advent and Easter studies. In addition, she is the cohost of the MARKED podcast for Lifeway Women. She has a Master of Theology degree from Gateway Seminary and is currently pursuing her Doctorate in Ministry degree.
