Navigating family relationships and gatherings through the holidays can be complicated and challenging, so it’s good to have a plan for managing these situations before you get to a gathering. Here are some tips to remember as you plan:
- It is OK to draw boundaries: The holidays often come with long-held traditions you may have outgrown. It never hurts to evaluate what is best for you or you and your immediate family. It’s OK to communicate what you need.
- Do all things in love. First Corinthians 16:14 says to “do everything in love.” During the holidays we may think or pray, Lord you said “everything,” but did you mean to love everyONE? Even that person in my family who is always criticizing me?
Responding in love doesn’t mean we receive abuse or criticism and just roll over and take it. We can not control how others behave, but we can control ourselves and how we respond. We can be determined to respond in a brief, calm, and loving way, and then remove ourselves from the situation. Give people the benefit of the doubt: Remember, we see people and hear their comments and communication through a lens of our perception. You may be expecting criticism, so comments feel judgmental even if they were not intended that way.
- Manage your expectations: If you are expecting it to be bad, it just might be. But also do not set expectations too high for people. Expectations can betray us. If we go in determined to love, we will be ready for anything. Then we may not be as disappointed and may even be pleasantly surprised at how it goes.
- Be kind to yourself: if a situation or person is too hard, give yourself a break. Walk outside or offer to run an errand.
- Get out of your head. We can get over-focused on what someone says or over-analyze something we said and miss what is actually going on. Try to stay out of your head and be in the moment. Other people are usually focusing on managing their own holiday experience as well and can be internally focused. So tell yourself it’s OK and engage in what’s going on around you.
- PRAY! Prayer is always something you can do to help you prepare for being around family and friends. Be specific. Ask the Lord to give you grace and patience for challenging people. Ask Him to help you see people how He sees them. Ask Him that it would go better than you hope it will.
- Be self-aware of sneaky judgment. Romans 12:3 says not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought. Sometimes we get stuck in seeing a family member a certain way. We get self-righteous or defensive and miss just loving them where they are. What if we are the hard family members? Matthew 12:34b says, “the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.” If people are being negative, it’s likely that somewhere in their hearts, they feel negative. Trying to see someone through the lens of compassion and love will help us get through a hard situation.
- Choose your family. Many people in today’s society have nowhere to spend the holidays and no large family to join for a large feast. Their family may be too far away or have a different level of “Covid-caution.” The Friendsgiving tradition is now a part of our culture and so many people in neighborhoods and churches open up their homes to those who have nowhere to go.
- Look for the “lonely.” Maybe there is someone at a family or friend gathering who is struggling more than you are who needs to be seen and loved and asked how he/she is doing.
- Read Romans 12 before you go. It has great instruction on how to manage challenging relationships!
- Pour out! If your people are hard and you just need a break, there are always opportunities around the holidays to feed the homeless or be a part of some other outreach to help the hurting. It will make you and them feel better!
We pray that these suggestions help manage the relationships in your life over the holiday season. We pray above all that you sense the presence of the Lord closer than ever. He is the most steadfast and safe relationship we have that can help us navigate all the others.
Paige Clayton is the Author Relations Specialist for Lifeway Women and also leads their destination events. She led the women’s events team for LIfeway for 14 years and recently shifted roles so she can spend less time traveling, and more time pursuing licensure as a professional counselor. She is currently a master’s level professional counselor at Lantern Lane Farm in Mt. Juliet, TN. In her spare time, she is a fun aunt to four young adult nieces. Paige is mom to her Instagram-posing dog Ruby and loves singing, being outdoors, and spending time with her friends and family.
