“The most amazing thing about getting to be a Grandparent is that very kids you made so many mistakes on grow up and honor you by trusting you with their babies. Could there be a greater grace?” Jeanie Rhoades
Mentor – An experienced, trusted advisor
There’s nothing as “grand” as being a grandparent. Whether you have a few or a gaggle of grands, you’ve got your heart and hands full, to be sure. To me, grandparenting is synonymous with giving. Giving many of the things you were unable to give your own children, not in material things but rather in wisdom, grace, and understanding that come from the experience and perspective of years lived.
God’s gift of family is messy at times but oh the opportunities to give and give and give again. There are so many gifts we can give our grandchildren that don’t cost us in dollars but rather in time and attention, precious commodities indeed. These are gifts that bind us to those kiddos through the years and grow us as we watch them grow.
As I think about my own grandchildren and the journey we’re on, three important aspects of relationship have emerged as patterns for positive mentoring and legacy building.
The Gift of Intentionality
I’ve spent most of my career as an event planner and at the foundation of planning a successful event is starting at the end of the experience you want to provide and working backward to make it happen. I’ve found the same to be true in the time my husband and I spend with our grandkids. It’s not prescriptive by any means and doesn’t have to follow a particular pattern. It’s more of a mindset of deciding what is important in our interactions and then being intentional about making that happen. Our intentionality speaks to the values we want to pass on to these little ones.
We have decided that our home is “open”. All the time. Our grands have remarked about how they love the fact that they don’t have to knock, the door in unlocked and they are free to walk right in. Our intention is to be a place of welcomed interruption and a safe space to gather at any time for any reason.
We have decided that our time is their time. We both still work full time but If they want to be with us, we want to be with them. Our intention is to be available whenever we can for whatever they need.
We have decided to be good listeners. When we are together, we make time for listening, for asking open ended questions that spark fun or feelings or facts. When they spend the night with us, we dismiss any electronics and use the time to be face to face, cooking, playing games, telling stories, hearing about their schools, friends, and whatever else is on their minds. Sometimes those are big, important things and they know they have a safe space to share. We are both mentors and learners at the same time.
We make use of any and every form of communication. We Marco and FaceTime and text and call. Some of those modes aren’t our favorites but it’s been important to us to take steps to enter their worlds on their terms. In return, we been given an ample platform to share what things were like when we were kids. Most times, they love hearing about a life they never knew (without tech) and picturing us as something other than the Pop and Nannie that are growing old. They ask good questions, and we are grateful to be asked and pause to answer, considering what’s underneath the question as we answer.
Our prayer is that these children will value hospitality, openness, meaningful conversations, shared experiences, and learning new things.
The Gift of Individuality
We learned as parents the beautiful individuality of each child and grands are no different. Part of the great fun of watching these littles as babies and in the growing up years, is recognizing all that God has placed uniquely in them. One is spirited, another is docile, and another with a crazy sense of humor. They are truly God’s handiwork wrapped in human flesh.
Discovering their uniqueness is a skill that we have found takes time and effort. Specifically, time with them individually as well as together. We try to stay attentive to what makes them lean in, laugh, and get excited. We show interest by asking questions about those things and offering to help them explore or practice what they are interested in. We come alongside their parents in encouraging and highlighting what is special about them.
From a very early age it became important to us to affirm their personalities, passions, skills, and giftings. To talk about how those things might relate to what they would do when they grow up. We spend time dreaming about different careers and imparting wisdom about the delights and challenges of each one. In their ever-changing interests we try help them to draw a line connecting all their ideas under the umbrella of who they are as people.
It’s important to us to acknowledge them in front of the whole family for who they are as individuals, each one valued for their uniqueness. We brag on the athlete, the scholar, the actor, or course. But we also make big over generosity, kindness, and compassion. Much of achievement focus is on what they “do” and that needs to be balanced with “who” they are. Character over accomplishments always!
Our prayer is that each grandchild would know they are valued for their uniqueness and the special way God has made them exactly who they are. And that they would value their friends, classmates, and family members as individuals to be treasured and respected for their differences
The Gift of Unconditionality
Thankfully, our role as grandparents, does not include discipline as it did with our own kids. That’s not our job anymore and we’re super happy about that. But as mentors to these kiddos, we can provide some guidelines, both spoken and unspoken, that teach a standard of behavior that’s balanced with easy going fun.
In our conversations our reactions of shock and awe (which used to ignite with our own kids) have tempered, understanding that a neutral face will get continued conversation and a broader understanding of that child. It also gives us time to measure our responses and infuse them with the grace and wisdom that keep us on a path of good communication.
It’s a tall order in any setting to listen without judgement, or “you should”, or “you shouldn’t” and instead offer soft guidance in the form of questions that lead to igniting their own curiosity for gaining perspective and thinking critically. The Bible tells us to “speak the truth in love” and that is the perfect prescription for mentoring grands.
Our prayer is that these little humans would understand the unconditional love of God. That they can never wander far enough from “home” that there isn’t a path back to the front door.
And that they would understand the extreme love of God in sending His Son to redeem their souls.
One generation will declare your works to the next and will proclaim your mighty acts. Psalm 145:4
As we grandparents mentor we understand that our words, time, and example all contribute to the legacy of love and family we want to leave our grandchildren. What could be more important?
Betsy Langmade is the Manager of Lifeway Women Events and has over 25 years experience in building and coordinating events for LifeWay Women around the country. She’s a mom and grandmother to her growing family and has been married to David for 45 years. Her three grandchildren Addison, Carson and Jax are one of her greatest joys. Betsy enjoys her down time by being outside and making memories with her family.
