I had an epiphany. I’ve always wanted to have one of those. Plus, I figure, if you have a kid graduate from high school or college, and don’t have an epiphany of some sort, you’re probably doing it wrong.
It was the week before my son graduated from high school, and I found myself focusing on all the things I hadn’t told him yet. There are so many lessons we parents overlook as we try to help our kids transition into the real world; things like, how to pick a restaurant when you’re with a group. I mean, I’ve been in a lot of situations where people want to go out to eat together, but no one wants to say where. It’s a helpful life skill that’s not often covered.
He had questions; I had questions; we all wondered if he knew everything he should. I made a mental list of topics to cover:
Yes, pizza can be delivered right to your door, and it is delicious. But you probably shouldn’t eat that every day. Once a week is more than enough. As for that Sonic that’s across the street from your apartment with its more than 168,000 drink combinations? Same principle applies.
When you’re having people over, make brownies. They are the wellspring of life, and a maker of friends. But not when you use oil that you previously used to make french fries.
Tell me about your girlfriends. You can go ahead and send pictures, too. But there’s no need to bring anyone home to meet me unless you’re really serious. This should not happen for several years.
Please…clean your bathroom. Wash your towels, too. That’s a kind of gross that could keep me lying awake at night.
Then the epiphany came.
We had bought our son a new study Bible. Aside from the obvious benefits such a gift would bring, I wanted the people who had been involved his life to underline favorite scriptures and write notes imparting spiritual wisdom as he graduated and headed off to college.
At his graduation party, the Bible was on a table with instructions, sticky notes, and pens. And throughout the evening, I watched family and friends spend significant and earnest time there, recording meaningful truths. This wisdom didn’t have anything to do with how much pizza is appropriate to consume or how to make brownies. They were centered on something much bigger; something more important; something that matters forever.
Here are some of the messages the once blank pages the front and back of his Bible now contain.
From his little sister – “Continue to show God’s love to people through how you live.”
From the neighbors across the street – “Trust in the Lord with all your might, and you will continue to be amazed at what He will do for you and through you.”
From his prom date – “Look for God in the small things, and appreciate Him even then.”
From a younger friend – “Remember what your prize is!”
From our worship pastor’s wife – “Don’t forget who you are and where you came from.”
From his best friend and future college roommate – “Don’t just listen to the Word, but take action and do it.”
From a longtime family friend – “I love you like a son and pledge to pray for you and stand by you throughout your life.”
From a grandparent – “Your Christian walk is the best thing you can do in your life.”
There were so many more. Do kind things. Do hard things. Love God’s Word. Value the church and your place in it. Be still and know He is God. So many people poured into him that night, just like they had for 18 years.
And I knew in that moment my son had all the help he needed for the things that matter most. God would be faithful to guide him through the transition.
That realization helps now, too, as his college graduation is fast approaching. He has new questions; weightier than how often bath towels should be washed. Questions like:
- How will I adjust to real-world living with real-world responsibilities?
- What if I can’t find a good job?
- What if I find a job…and then hate it?
- I didn’t meet “the one” in college. What now?
Let’s face it; life gets harder, not easier. Transitioning from high school or college into the next stage of life can be difficult. Of course, they need practical help.
To that end, we parents should call regularly. Ask questions. Offer advice when asked for it. Continue to do life together, in the very special way God intends for parents and their adult children. But don’t coddle. Don’t belittle their decisions. Don’t overreact to the mistakes they will undoubtedly make.
Above and beyond any practical help we can give, the main thing to remember is what the high school graduation week epiphany taught me. Sometimes we adjust to life’s transitions on the fly. So the best way to help our grads in those moments is to demonstrate lives lived according to God’s Word, make ourselves available to help when needed, and pray God will continue to put friends and mentors in their lives who will point them in the right direction.
Cynthia Hopkins is a speaker and freelance writer. For the past 17 years, she has written articles, curriculum, and devotions for a wide variety of Lifeway publications, including a monthly column in Parenting Teens magazine. Cynthia is the founder of Platform 320, a nonprofit ministry that encourages women to step up to the lives they were made for.
Cynthia is married to Clay, who is the Associate Pastor at FBC College Station, TX. They have two children: Brandon, a senior at Texas A&M University, and Abby, a junior in high school.
Check out Cynthia’s blog at www.cynthiahopkins.org.