I live a little over five hundred miles from my mom and dad, but we are closer than we have ever been in my lifetime. I look forward to my trips there, I try to go at least four times a year and stay for a while. Since I can work remotely, this makes it easy to stay longer. My life feels very divided at this time splitting my time between home and their house, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to spend as much time as I can with them. On the weeks or months that I am not there, I call both of them every day to check on them. I know they look forward to having someone to talk to, and I relish any time, even phone time, to hear their news of the day.
While my grandkids were young, I wanted to devote all of my spare time to be with them, but as my parents got older, I realized that they would be here a much shorter time than the kids, so I needed to pour into them as much as I could. About seven years ago, I lost an aunt whom I was very close to, and I had such strong feelings of regret about the lack of time I spent with her. This helped me to realize that I wanted no regrets with my parents, and I want to spend as much quality time with them as I can.
Bible Study Time
Studying Scripture together has been a huge relationship-builder between my parents and myself. When COVID hit four years ago, I made the decision to go and stay with them for much of 2020. Since we were isolated from a lot of activities, including some church activities, we decided to start our own family Bible study and began walking through the Scriptures book by book.
There’s not enough room in the post to tell you how this one thing has impacted our relationship with each other and with God. It’s been a big blessing! On the days when we are together, we carve out an hour to read the chapter we’re focused on, discuss it, and pray together. I have seen things about my parents I would have never seen before since we started doing this. I have also watched all three of us grow beyond where we were when we started, and God has answered prayer after prayer.
Storytelling Time
My dad is a terrific storyteller, and his mind is so sharp. I love to sit in the early mornings and late evenings with him and my mom and listen to their stories. I have heard many of them time and time again. But I don’t mind having the stories repeated to me for two reasons. One, I have realized that their world has shrunk significantly, and they don’t have nearly the number of experiences they had in their younger years, so their conversation often centers around things in the past. Secondly, I am learning Dad and Mom’s stories and committing them to memory by hearing them over and over so I can pass them down and hold them in my memory when they are gone.
Travel Time
My mom has always loved to go on adventures. That’s where I get my travel bug from! So I am always trying to think of small and large trips that I can take her and Dad on to satisfy that need. She is not very mobile, so this takes creative thinking and convincing her that a wheelchair is her best option to have some of those experiences. It might mean that I miss out on a few things, but I remind myself that she won’t be around much longer. I want her to enjoy life as much as I would like to at that age.
Every year I try to plan a trip within a day’s drive of their house that we can stay overnight at for a couple of nights and see some sights. Then we also take one-day trips to look at places they have lived, or something they might be interested in seeing. This past spring I took them to a museum, and last spring we rented a cabin that overlooked a beautiful canyon. To see the joy on their faces is a memory I can hold onto forever.
These two people poured so much into me as a child that I count it a joy to be able to pour something back into them as an adult. It’s easy to always see the inconveniences of helping elderly parents, but I’m here to testify that there are countless joys to be had by carving out time to listen, learn from them, and watch them experience joy in the big and small things. Don’t look back with regret, but start now to enjoy—not just care for them—but truly enjoy them.
ABOUT LEIGH ANN DANS
Leigh Ann Dans has been a graphic designer for Lifeway Women for the past twelve years and worked for Lifeway over thirty-one years. She loves spending time and making memories with her family. Her favorite things are to take nature walks, listen to her dad’s old timer stories, go on new adventures, and hear God speak through His Word.