Last week I received an invitation to attend a special meeting with the deacons of our church. All the ministerial staff were invited, but I quickly questioned whether I had accidentally made the list. This was a meeting of all men, and I would be the only woman in the room. Surely this was a mistake.
I was told it wasn’t a mistake and I was definitely included. What I discovered that evening was a group of servant-hearted leaders who wanted to pray for our staff as we entered a season of transition within our church. It was a sacred time of hearing godly men pour out their hearts and asking the Lord to bless the ministry I led and for my personal leadership. Some came to me after the event and spoke words of kindness, encouragement, and affirmation that I will remember for a very long time. My hesitation of being the only woman in the room changed to feeling humbled and honored they would include me.
This wasn’t the first time I’ve been the only woman in the room, and if you are a female ministry leader, it’s likely you will find yourself in a similar situation. I can say with transparency I’ve had times of insecurity as well as a lack of confidence. Even so, I do think there are many ways women can make a difference and have a voice at the table that has great influence.
When I think about this topic, I’m often reminded of the movie Hidden Figures. The story, based on true events, focuses on three brilliant African American mathematicians working for NASA in the early 1960s. Not only did the three of them overcome and face racial discrimination, but they also faced being the only female in their respective departments. Who can forget the scene when Katherine Goble Johnson, played by Taraji P. Henson, figures out the correct computation to a complex mathematical problem as the men in the room stand in awe. Eventually, all three women gain the respect of their male counterparts and play an instrumental role in the space program for years to come.
Maybe you won’t be asked to solve mathematical problems—I know I hope I don’t—but you may find yourself as the only woman in the room. Here are a few ways you can insert your distinctly female voice and make a difference.
1. Be yourself.
In other words, you were invited to the room, not just because you are a woman, but because someone believes you have something to say. Maybe they’ve noticed you think strategically, creatively, or that you can offer feedback from a different perspective. Use the gifts God has given you and don’t shy away from being the woman God has made you to be. In 1 Samuel 25, God uses Abigail, a woman who was beautiful but also wise. She helped mediate a conflict between her evil husband Nabal and David and used her persuasive and winsome gifts to avoid bloodshed.
2. Choose your words carefully and intentionally.
Most men tend to hear in “bullet points” or short sentences. This isn’t a negative, but a reminder that sometimes women can be a little too wordy. Consider whether you tend to elaborate stories or include every detail when asked a question. Instead, offer presentations or answers quickly and succinctly. Just as we all need editors to cut unnecessary words in our documents, we must edit our verbal processing when you are in a room full of men. This reminds me a bit of Deborah in Judges 4 when she gives Barak instructions to fight Sisera. All her instructions are in two verses, 6 and 7. She didn’t mince words, but instead, gave clear instructions that were from the God of Israel.
3. Do your homework and be informed.
Many female leaders I respect are ones that come to meetings prepared and ready to contribute. They have done their research, read the materials prior to the meeting, and have solutions or answers ready when asked. If you want to be a valuable voice amid a male-dominated space, you’ll gain more respect when you are seen as an expert in the room. I think of Esther and her ability to discern the situation she faced when discovering Haman’s plan to eradicate the Jews. She waited until the time was right for her to reveal Haman’s plan to the king and she had all the information needed to present her case.
4. Avoid shooting down ideas from others unless you can offer a solution or alternative strategy.
If you tend to always be critical or negative when others have ideas, find ways to look for something positive you can say before offering another possibility. In Acts 18, Apollos was speaking boldly in the synagogue, but Priscilla and Aquila recognized that Apollos needed more instruction. Instead of embarrassing him in front of others, they took him aside, and verse 26 says they, “explained the way of God to him more accurately.”
5. Have the confidence to believe in yourself but to believe in God more.
If He’s given you the opportunity to be a voice in a room full of men, you can be assured that He has gone before you, will never leave you, and He will fight your battles if they come. It also doesn’t hurt to have a peer or female friend in a similar situation that can provide godly counsel and be a listening ear.
ABOUT KELLY KING
Kelly D. King is the Women’s Minister at Quail Springs Baptist Church in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, and a Visiting Professor of Christian Ministry at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. She was the former Women’s Ministry Specialist at Lifeway Christian Resources and is the author of Ministry to Women: The Essential Guide for Leading Women in the Local Church. You can contact her at kellydking.org.
