Chronic illness impacts much more than our body. It ripples through every facet of our lives, especially when it lingers far beyond our expectations. For many of us, it begins with what seems like a short-lived sickness, a difficult period that will end quickly. But then we discover that what we thought was a temporary detour has become the new road. It’s unfamiliar and bumpy, and all we want to do is go back to the seemingly smooth scenic road that we had been on.
I know that feeling. Even as I write this, I’m dealing with pain and loss that seems to be unending. I’m weary. I’m weak and uncertain. Yet in the midst of my discouragement, I remember that God is with me. He is walking through every moment of this affliction. He knows every detail. And there is a purpose to each setback. God will not let one drop of my suffering be wasted. He has great blessing for me in this trial, or He would not have allowed it.
I didn’t always believe those truths, even after I met the Lord. I remember pulling away from Him, wondering if I could draw near to a God who could have prevented all my pain but didn’t. I wondered how He could love me and let me suffer. When I was suspicious of God, I found little comfort from Scripture. Little comfort from knowing God loved me. Little comfort from God’s presence. But when I finally recognized that I couldn’t find consolation anywhere else, I turned back to God. I still didn’t understand what was happening, but I chose to trust God in my bewilderment. And when I did, I was overwhelmed with a flood of comfort that only He could give me.
I found that chronic illness itself is a gateway to God’s presence. When we ask God to help us, we can expect Him to answer. If we look for signs of His love, we will see them. Encouragement may come today through friends, books, sermons, or podcasts, or an unexpected source. Or it may come directly from God as He reveals Himself through Scripture. Or fills us with an unmistakable sense of His presence. Or gives us strength when we feel indescribably weak.
God wants to give us everything. He who didn’t spare His Son from a horrific death so He could save us will not deny us anything good. When we’re convinced of His goodness, we can accept that everything He gives us, even trials, flows from His love. He has lessons to teach us, treasures to show us, love to shower on us, fruit to cultivate in us, blessings to give us, refining to do in us. Through our trials, God has so much in store for us.
Of course, alongside these blessings are the natural struggles that come with chronic illness. Emotions that spiral from discouragement to despair. Pain that keeps escalating rather than diminishing. Fatigue that prevents us from focusing. Energy that is measured in teaspoons rather than buckets. Limitations that stretch for miles. Financial pressures that strain our resources. Friendships that drift from their former intimacy. Loneliness that grows deeper over time.
Though some friendships may fade because of our illness, others remain strong and may even deepen. These are the faithful friends whom we can count on, though this circle is usually much smaller than we anticipated. And to the people closest to us, the people we depend on for care, we often feel like a burden. We rely on them more than we’d choose to. We have moved from being the helper to being the one helped. As I’ve made that transition, I’ve mourned what my family has missed because of my limitations. My husband loves to travel, and my disability constrains how often we can do that. My children made sacrifices when they were young that I wish they didn’t have to.
Yet when I bring these concerns to the Lord, He reminds me that He will meet their needs. My job is to pray for them, to not complain when things aren’t exactly as I would like them to be, and to lean on Jesus even harder. I am not missing out, and neither are they. God would not be so cruel as to take away something good from them because of me. My limitation, as it intersects their lives, has blessing for them as well. God is doing something for them and in them, just as He is doing in me.
Chronic illness can flatten our every resource as we scramble to figure out how we will manage our long-term sickness. Our lives are more limited and dependent, less full of adventure and activity. Sometimes it may seem like everyone else is moving on with their lives and ours is stuck in the past. And yet it is in this stillness, in this inability to do something “useful” in the eyes of the world, that we draw nearest to God and find our hope in Him. Our struggle cannot outlast God’s blessing, and so we can be certain that God has something wonderful in this trial for us. If that were not true, God wouldn’t have permitted this illness. We can be sure that even in the depths of sickness, God’s presence and unwavering love brim with comfort and purpose, turning our struggles into opportunities for His grace and glory.
ABOUT VANEETHA RISNER
Vaneetha Risner writes and speaks about finding hope in suffering. Desperate for Hope: Questions We Ask God in Suffering, Loss, and Longing as well as her memoir, Walking Through Fire, encourage readers to turn to Christ in their pain. Vaneetha and her husband, Joel, live in Raleigh, North Carolina, where she blogs at vaneetha.com. She is a regular contributor to Desiring God and has been featured on Family Life Today, Joni & Friends, and Christianity Today.
