As a Christian, how are introverts supposed to follow the biblical command to practice hospitality? While the outgoing types are always up for a party, the more reserved among us would rather be alone with one or a few. When asked to write on this subject, I posed the question on social media and asked my introverted friends to share how they’ve been able to overcome the challenge. Here are some of the interesting things they said:
Put a start and end time on the event.
The misconception about introverts is that they don’t ever want to be in a social environment. Oftentimes, they can enjoy a loud party and loads of small talk if they know there’s a hard stop. Inviting people over from 6–8 p.m. sets the expectation that we’d love to hang out for that period of time and then warmly say goodbye.
Funny story: We have a friend who keeps stacks of disposable cups on hand. When he’s “all done” for the evening, it has become a joke that he pulls out these plastic cups and asks guests if he can fix them a soda or water to go!
Steal away for little pockets of time.
One of my friends replied: “I often find it’s so beneficial to have little pockets of time to step away during a dinner or event to have a quiet moment to myself. Just step away to the restroom or to the back bedroom and breathe a few minutes. Those few minutes of solitude before I jump back into the socializing and noise is something I’ve found over the years to be a little “trick” in a ministry that calls for a lot of hosting and socializing.”
Say yes to help beforehand.
Over the years, I’ve discovered that I actually love serving alongside people even more than sitting across from people. It creates connection to work together. One woman wrote:
“For larger hosting events, my trick is to say yes when someone offers to help. (Which is normally another introvert.) Then, I get the chance to catch up in a much smaller group behind the scenes which is amazing for me.”
Be consistent each week or month.
I often feel a sense of shame about being hospitable—as if I’m a disappointment to God for being uninterested in having people in my home. One way to squash that accusing voice is to set a night per week or month when you are committed to having a few people into your home. One friend shared this strategy: “We have a day each week that we have people over. We make it a point to always have someone on that day. It helps us mentally and physically prepare for having guests.”
A few additional, interesting comments:
- You might not want to be the one at the door giving the big welcome or rousing applause. That can be immediately overwhelming.
- Introverts are intentional in low-key ways. You take quiet notice that my favorite drink is Dr. Pepper or my kids love board games and have them ready to go when hosting my family.
- It’s important people don’t point out in front of everyone that you’re being quiet or not responding. You’re just taking it all in.
- Plan out all you can in advance. Have some quiet time also planned before and after the activity itself.
- Host one family at a time. We have learned to pace ourselves and can’t plan to host people multiple nights per week.
- Getting alone time in before the event is key so that you have energy to engage with people and get things done.
As much as socializing is about creating relationships with people, it’s also a way to worship God, and to please Him in our lifestyle choices. One of my friends wrote: “I think so much of hospitality is ‘preparing a place.’ For introverts, we can put our energy into the before part of gathering and even pray while we work to prepare. I often pray for guests while I clean, cook, and plan out what we are going to do. Put another way: All the energy for connection doesn’t have to be ‘in the moment.’ That doesn’t make for good hospitality for every personality type. Sometimes care and connection are proven even greater by all the energy that went in before.”
I love that. When we inwardly desire to love on people, we can show God we care by praying, preparing an atmosphere of connection, and being as present with people as possible.
Are you a lonely introvert? Feeling guilty about being a recluse? Take a few of these tips above and see if they work for you. Relationships, after all, are what life is all about.
About Lynley Mandrell
Lynley Mandrell is the cohost of Lifeway’s podcast The Glass House, alongside her husband, Ben, who is Lifeway’s president and CEO. In addition to her ministry partnership with Ben, she is one of the strategic project managers for Visioneering Studios, working alongside churches to reimagine their facilities and space. A busy mom of four teenagers, she’s often seen at guitar recitals, tennis matches, and in the bleachers of a University of Tennessee football game. Her passions include home renovation projects, Dr. Pepper®, and national parks.