This article appeared in the February 2023 issue of HomeLife Magazine.
It was the summer of 2013, and I was in the hard middle of depression.
My husband, Phil, tried everything he knew to help, so one evening he said, “Let’s go for a walk. Here are your shoes. Connor can ride his bike while we walk. Come on, we can do this.”
Reluctantly, I put on my shoes, put on my best face, and headed out.
The creek along our path babbled cheerfully. Connor pedaled ahead, carefree and full of joy. Ancient oaks blanketed us, and the birds trilled and chirped while grasshoppers serenaded us. The fragrance of honeysuckle wafted on the breeze. All the beauty should have lifted my spirit. But, instead, it unleashed my tears.
So, as he had millions of times in the last six months, Phil asked, “What is it? What’s wrong?”
This time I knew exactly what was wrong. I had been feeling it for months and I finally just told him.
“I fear you’re going to get tired of me. There will be a day when my blindness, my depression … just the sheer weight of me … will be too much.”
Deep down, I knew Phil loved me but our marriage at that point was as mismatched as Eeyore and Tigger. Because of my blindness, Phil always had to carry the extra weight of my disability, and he always did with Tigger optimism and energy. But now with the heaviness of depression piled on, I just knew it was only a matter of time before he walked away, worn out, disenchanted.
He paused and turned to me. “When I said, ‘I do,’ it meant I won’t. I won’t get tired, and I won’t leave.”
Beautiful, right?
Well, he didn’t say that, exactly! But if Karen Kingsbury were writing this story, that’s how she would have written the scene.
Even though a romance character may have said it with more literary flourish, what Phil said on that day quieted the fear and silenced the lie I was telling myself.
I wish I could remember his words, but essentially, he told me it wasn’t true that he would get tired and leave. He told me he loved me and that was that. In so many words, he said, “I do means I won’t.”
When I was honest with him on that path, it released the lies I believed and revealed the truth of who Phil really was.
Lament is a path. Prayers of lament are the way God brings you your tennis shoes and invites you to process your pain in companionship with Him.
Like David lamented in Psalm 13, we share with God our feelings, “How long, LORD, will you forget me forever?” (v. 1).
In doing so, we release the lies we may have believed, and God reveals the truth of who He is.
He doesn’t forget (Isa. 49:14-15).
He’s near to the brokenhearted (Ps. 34:18).
When God said “I do” it meant “He won’t” leave you or forsake you (Heb. 13:5).
Lament is a safe place to share your feelings and a sacred place where God reveals who He is. Yet, lament is also where you ask God for what you need. In Psalm 13:3-4, David called out to God for answers and enlightenment. Sometimes we feel like we won’t make it through unless God comes through for us. That is why He designed the path of lament for you to meet with Him. He is listening to your voice, ready to meet your needs (Ps. 120:1).
The beautiful thing about the path of lament is that all the pain serves as a prelude for praise.
That’s how David ended his lament in Psalm 13: “But I have trusted in your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in your deliverance. I will sing to the LORD because he has treated me generously” (vv. 5-6).
Even in our tears and heartache, God treats us generously. So we share with Him our pain, but we never stop singing of His unfailing love.
When your heart is breaking, walk the path of lament. When your soul is bruised and aching, walk the path of lament. When you feel forsaken, when your very core is shaken, walk the path of lament.
God is waiting for you there.
Jennifer Rothschild is the author of nineteen books and Bible studies, including her latest, Amos: An Invitation to the Good Life. She’s the founder and featured Bible teacher of Fresh Grounded Faith women’s events, and she also hosts the 4:13 Podcast where she shares practical
encouragement and biblical wisdom to equip women to live the “I can” life of Philippians 4:13. She’s a boy mom, an obsessive audiobook listener, a C. S. Lewis junkie, and a dark chocolate lover! Jennifer has been blind since age fifteen, and she lives every day with confidence and joy knowing that earth is short, and heaven is long. She lives in Springfield, Missouri, with her very own Dr. Phil and their diva dog, Lucy.
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