We love what so many organizations around the world are doing to help spread the gospel and demonstrate Jesus’ love to others. Once a month, we’ll be spotlighting a few of the organizations we know and love here on our blog so you can learn about their work, as well.
Though we typically feature specific nonprofits in this space, this month we wanted to highlight a nationwide ministry: the U.S. foster care system. Because it is government-run program, the foster care system isn’t typically thought of as a ministry. But for the women and men opening their homes to children who need a temporary home, and for the children who live in them, it is a ministry.
We sat down with our friend Laura, who has been a foster mom since mid-July 2015, and asked her some questions about her experience.
What made you interested in foster care?
We originally set out feeling called to adopt, but many of those doors ended up being closed for us. We still wanted to bring in a child who needed a home, so we talked to the director of the adoption ministry at our church (which we are lucky to have). He got us thinking about adopting from foster care. We learned that there is no “foster to adopt ONLY” category, which is a common misconception about the foster care system. We still wanted to foster children, even if they were only going to be with us for a short time, and we still hope to adopt through fostering, but we know that it does not always happen, nor does it happen quickly.
What has been the most challenging part of being a foster parent?
Oh, man. What isn’t challenging about being a foster parent? Of course, when they leave — that’s really tough, even when we have only had them 5 days. But you kind of sign up for that. It doesn’t make it easier, but it was more expected than the other most challenging part, which I would say is navigating “the system.”
The DCS (Department of Children’s Services) is often overworked and understaffed, so getting in touch with the right people can be really difficult and frustrating. It has been a steep learning curve, but good caseworkers can make all the difference. Our current caseworker and foster parent support worker are both wonderful and have been helpful in advocating for and supporting us.
What has been the most rewarding part?
Really just getting to know these hilarious, sweet kids and having them get to know and trust us. We’ve had great kids every time, and very few behavioral issues thus far, which has been surprising to us. Our 9-year-old from our first placement has called us more than once since he left our home, which is so sweet. Our 4-year-old from our third placement started calling me “mom” after just a few days. Our current placement is an almost-2-year-old and 6-month-old, and it’s amazing how many improvements the 2-year-old in our current placement has made in just 2 weeks. We love having these kids and hanging out with them, honestly.
What is the process to becoming a foster parent?
You can learn more about the process here.
Are there ways to get involved other than being a foster parent?
YES. You can always be involved! I would recommend finding people who foster, and offering to help in any way you feel like you can. It really does take a village for foster care; I have relied on so many people to help us logistically, emotionally, and otherwise, especially in the first part of a new placement.
You can also see if your church is doing any ministry for families who foster or are in the process of being foster families. If it’s not and you feel passionate about getting involved, see if you can start something.
Foster care is becoming more “on the radar” but it’s still not as widely known/understood as adoption, so even spreading the word and helping people who are already doing it is extremely helpful.
What suggestions do you have for people wanting to support families who are fostering or in the foster care process?
Sometimes foster parents go from 0 to 2 kids overnight with little notice, so help is the biggest thing you can offer. I would recommend thinking about things similar to what you’d do for someone who just had a baby, even if the kids in the placement are older. Specifically ask what they need — diapers? bottles? a crib? school uniforms? someone to clean up? babysit? gift cards for groceries/restaurants or delivered meals? New items, hand-me-downs, and even borrowed items are more than welcome. Also ask how the parents are doing on a personal level. It means a lot.
Do you have any advice for people who want to be foster parents in the future?
It’s hard, for sure, but these kiddos need people who love Christ and will love them unconditionally. If you feel a tug toward it, I’d encourage you to talk to other people who are fostering and see if that might be something God is calling you to. There are also a lot of good blogs and resources online written by people who understand.
I’d also say this: you can do it. People always say, “oh, I could never do that — having to say goodbye.” But I think you probably could. God provides and sustains and comforts, and you just choose to do it even though it will hurt. We have ugly-cried in our car and eaten our feelings on more than one occasion, and we miss all of our kids a ton, but we survived (and are surviving). And I think you could, too, if you feel God calling you to this weirdo world of foster care.
I read once somewhere that you have to ask yourself whether or not you think it’s worth the risk of potentially having your heart broken to love these kids and help them heal. I don’t think everyone is called to it, but I do think more people could do it if they took the risk.
Thank you, Laura, for answering our questions and giving us a glimpse into your heart and the world of foster care. And thank you to all you foster parents out there who are walking boldly into your not-so-easy calling. You are making a difference for the good of the kingdom.
