A Note from Chris Adams: As women’s ministry leaders, we walk alongside women during all kinds of life experiences—including the planning of their children’s weddings. My own wedding had its share of hiccups, and while I do remember them, what I remember most is the celebration of new life together with the man I’ve now been married to for 45 years! Plus, I had a very calm mom helping with all the details. Dr. Deb Douglas of First Baptist Church, Bossier City, LA has many “hiccup” stories (and that’s putting it mildly!) that include wedding moments as you will see below. However, she has a way of making those unplanned occurrences part of the humor and joy of life. Read her post on how to help the mom of the bride enjoy the planning of her daughter’s wedding.
Let’s face reality: we can all turn into “momzilla” when our baby girls get married! We fall into the trap of thinking that every one of her dreams, wishes, and wants must be fulfilled in her wedding; after all, it only happens once. And let’s not forget there are a few unfulfilled dreams and wishes of our own that we want to tack onto this wedding!
Then one day it happens. It may be in the florist shop where we have just been told that the shade of roses we have always dreamed of is not available anywhere in the world on the wedding day. Or maybe it happens when the caterer informs us that the reception will be fine, but a booster club meeting has also booked them for that night. And that’s when we lose it. We have a meltdown—a true momzilla meltdown.
Not that I was a momzilla…well, maybe just a tad. But when the giant 200+ year old tree fell on my daughter’s reception 90 minutes before the wedding, and the caterer wanted to call the whole thing off, I went into fix-it mode…along with some of my closest friends. Tree surgeons were called, food was prepared, and friends arranged the table settings. The reception went off beautifully, and the bride did not know until later. Her day was perfect in her eyes!
Nothing ever goes perfect with weddings. There’s always a hitch and there are always a few last minute problems or a few necessary changes.
So, what does this have to do with women’s ministry leaders?
- We are in the thick of the most stressful wedding planning months, and those months are quickly coming! The calmest moms in our churches can turn into momzilla overnight!
- We cannot prevent all the momzilla moments, but we can encourage moms by reminding them of reality—not everything will go smoothly. A prepared mom is a calmer mom.
- Remind them the most important part of the wedding is that the bride and groom are making a covenant with God; it only takes a bride, groom, a minister, and God to do that!
- Do something special for the moms. A few friends threw a silly, fun party for me before my daughter’s wedding. The party was a reminder for me to not take myself too seriously! They even gave me small gifts they found helpful when their children got married (Band-Aids, shoe cushions, mints, safety pins, pretty hankies, etc.).
- Remember the mom is busy with the wedding. This is a special time in the life of her relationship with her daughter or son. Let her enjoy it! Be respectful by not asking her to take on new roles during this time.
- Send the mom encouraging notes, emails, or texts. Think twice though about sending funny momzilla-type notes! She may not find them funny.
- Weddings are a wonderful celebration of God’s plan for marriage. Help moms stay focused on the reverence of the wedding with kind words and warm hugs.
Instead of running when the next momzilla approaches to share the latest disaster, remember that we can help that momzilla turn back into the calm, wonderful mom she really is! So, give her a hug and listen up!
Dr. Deb Douglas has served in women’s ministry for over 37 years. Now she spends her time working with Purchased Ministry, a ministry to women in the sex trade industry. Deb is also the Director of Biblical Counseling at First Baptist Church, Bossier City, LA. She was the first to graduate from New Orleans Baptist Theological seminary with a Masters degree focusing on women’s ministry and has earned a Doctor of Education in Ministry degree from NOBTS. She is “Pearl” to 3 sweet grand babies, “Mom” to Jared Douglas and Katie Chavis, and wife/sweetheart to Paul Douglas.