It’s Sunday morning.
The argument was left hanging in the air as she rushed out of the house, feeling spiritually divorced from the man she loves. Why couldn’t he be like all those men sitting in the couples classes? Why couldn’t he be the one helping get the kids from the car to their Sunday school classes? Why does this good man have to be so against Jesus? She goes to her car crying and ponders what she must be doing wrong to be living this spiritually divorced life. Guilt, shame, and an overwhelming sense of dread isolate her.
There are women who are living spiritually divorced lives in every church. How can women’s ministers help these wives and moms? How can we encourage them in the spiritual challenges they face?
- We must watch our language. Without meaning to, we all use “married” language. We speak as though all women live in households where the husband is the spiritual leader or at least attends church with the mom. But the reality is that this is far from true. Look around on any Sunday, moms without dads are in every age group, every class, and every corner throughout the church. Be intentional about using language that accepts the challenges moms are facing.
- Encourage moms one on one. Individual encouragement will help the mom as she faces the challenges and struggles of a spiritually unequal marriage.
- Respect the husbands. Understand the wives and children love and care about the husband/father. Never talk to others about the husband/father in a negative way. Negative talk will push the husband further away.
- Partner in prayer. Prayer is crucial to helping spiritually divorced women. Consider enlisting widows as designated prayer warriors. Pray for the salvation of the husband/father. Pray for the wife/mom to have wisdom and discernment in how she encourages her husband’s spiritual growth and salvation. This also helps her to never give up!
- Start up a class. The class doesn’t have to be named, “Spiritually Divorced Moms.” Women who are attending without their spouse will look for a class for “Women” or “Moms” and will be drawn to this class.
- Here are a few tips for starting a class:
- Begin with prayer for God’s guidance in starting the class.
- Discuss the new class with the pastor or minister of discipleship/education. Obtain necessary permission to proceed.
- Recruit a leader with a passion for women and a heart of understanding for women struggling with spiritual inequality in marriage.
- Personally invite women who attend without their spouses.
- Promote the new class on social media, on the church website, and in written publications without calling this a spiritually divorced class. Confidentiality is important for this group.
- Use materials such as DVD-driven studies (Beth Moore, Kelly Minter, Priscilla Shirer, and others have great studies for women that could be used).
- Here are a few tips for starting a class:
Never give up hope. Salvation is available to all until their last breath. Pray faithfully with these moms for the salvation of their husbands. Continually encourage them. Imagine the day when the husband accepts Christ! It will surely be a day of rejoicing and celebration!
Dr. Deb Douglas has served in women’s ministry for over 37 years. Now she spends her time working with Purchased Ministry, a ministry to women in the sex trade industry. Deb is also the Director of Biblical Counseling at First Baptist Church, Bossier City, LA. She was the first to graduate from New Orleans Baptist Theological seminary with a Masters degree focusing on women’s ministry and has earned a Doctor of Education in Ministry degree from NOBTS. She is “Pearl” to 3 sweet grand babies, “Mom” to Jared Douglas and Katie Chavis, and wife/sweetheart to Paul Douglas.